I Voted Today

I voted today.
Not with the exuberant expectation I felt in 2008.
Not with the civic duty I felt in 2006.
Not even with the cautious optimism that I felt in 2004 and 2000.

Today I voted with about the same level of enthusiasm that I experienced the last time took my son to the doctor.  For shots.  Voting this year was a painful obligation. I have never been so torn.  If this election were just about the candidates on the ballot, my choices would have been easier.  But for the past six months, I have been constantly reminded by the political pundits that EVERY race- no matter how local, is actually a referendum on the President himself.  I hate that.

My relationship with our President is quite complicated. On a personal level, I love him, his wife, his daughters and even his mother-in-law.  I relate to them like no other Presidential family and would be highly honored to shake any one of their hands and invite them to my home for dinner.   I take personal offense whenever I hear people question his citizenship, his religion, or his patriotism.  Thank God he graduated at the top of his class from Harvard Law School or I'd have to take offense every time some C student pundit questioned that too. I take even more offense at the suggestion that he is so "different" from past presidents, that "most" Americans can't "relate" to him, and that he doesn't "connect" with the electorate. I think those comments stem from the discomfort felt by many because of his race.  I buy my children books and tee-shirts about the President, because I feel a certain level of reverence for him as a historic figure.

That  said, I recognize that my true relationship to President Obama is first and foremost as a voter to a politician.  I have never forgotten that my personal pride in his great accomplishments must be separated from my responsibility to vote for candidates that best reflect my political agenda. I am a social conservative and I don't appreciate the values I hold dear being portrayed by most Democrats (including the President) as extreme.  I am not fooled by local Democrats hiding behind the endorsement of President Obama to claim that they deserve the African American vote when their actions have not shown any more concern for my community than their Republican opponents.  I am disgusted that someone with such questionable credentials as Sarah Palin is now running the Republican party.  (I am equally annoyed that her rhythmless "teen activist" daughter is still a contestant on Dancing With the Stars)  I watched the debates of my state candidates for Senate hoping that one of them would say something meaningful. It didn't happen. Both claimed to be the candidate of "change." (Where have I heard that one before?)  I watched the attack ads that my Democratic Congressional incumbent ran against his Republican challenger with disgust because it was obvious that they were intended to distort and not inform.    The one Congressional candidate that I actually liked was not running to represent my district.

In the end, I split the vote and halfheartedly took my "I voted" sticker with the same bittersweet reluctance my son shows when he is offered a sticker reward after a painful succession of shots.  Yes, I voted today. But I'm not happy about it no matter who wins this election.