Weekly Report

Well, this is no way to grow a blog! Dear readers, I am still making the adjustment to my new job. I've gone from a job where leaving at 4 was "staying late" to a career where getting home at 7 means I still have several hours of work to do. BIG CHANGE. This weekend, I was so exhausted that I spent most of the day Saturday in bed surrounded by my kiddies.

Speaking of the kiddies, this has also been a big change for them. Keep them in your prayers- it has been hard explaining to them why I can't pick them up anymore or take them to school most days because I have to go to work early. Strategically, I took this job because I wanted to be able to do more for them. I hold on to that knowledge when I question this commitment. I pray that once the dust settles, I can find a balance that works for everyone.

Speaking of balance, I have come to the realization that I need help. I am currently putting ads on Craigslist and asking around for a good daily babysitter, and a part-time cook and housekeeper. When I'm home, I want to be mommy. Not stressed about preparing dinner or trying to mop the kitchen floor. I used to consider these things pretentious. Now I consider them the cost of doing business.

The good news- I really like this job. My coworkers seem like smart, down to earth people and the work (so far) is interesting. My goal is to become a great attorney. I believe that I have found the right firm to achieve it.

Excellence is deliberate and life is about balance. Those are the themes of this blog and I hope to be able to write more often once my schedule stabilizes (and I don't have to spend my evening hours writing briefs and doing research).

Have a great week!

One Week Down....

Hello Dear Readers!
I made it through my first week!  I have been too pooped to keep you updated, but hopefully, that will change as I adjust to my new schedule. This blog is definitely under construction- most of which takes place inside my head.  I am giving a great deal of thought to the direction I'd like to take in the coming months as I adjust to the new job, prepare for the Bar,  and generally try to budget my limited time in the evenings between family life, "home-work" and me time.  The good news is that I am more excited about this blog than ever and I have great expectations for its growth over the coming months.  The challenging part will be making it happen. Please bear with me while I make some adjustments that may require me to limit posting for awhile.  Know that the blog is always in my thoughts and I would LOVE to hear from you whenever you feel like leaving a comment.

Excellence is Deliberate-  I know that now more than ever.

Take care!

My First Day of Work

 Today was my first official day of work.  I spent it in training at another office.

1. Blue suit and pearls.  CHECK.
2. Three and a half hours of individual computer training on fascinating subjects like how to use email and save documents. CHECK.
3. One hour lunch/ pep-talk with partners and local restaurant. CHECK.
4. Two hour tour of firm library and lecture on how to save money doing online research. (Access to certain databases is up to $24.00 per minute) CHECK.
5. Ten minute introduction/welcome to firm conversation with Managing Partner.
6. Thirty minute presentation on short/long term disability benefits. CHECK.
7. One hour of awkward introductory banter with random attorneys/staffers/passersby at every doorway and cubicle in the place. CHECK.
8. Five minute trip to the bathroom to enjoy a snickers bar in peace. CHECK.

Day one is in the books. I survived:)
Tomorrow I get to do it all over again in the office where I will actually work.

The Beginning of the End...the Resignation.

Today was the day it truly became official. I called my current boss and told him I quit.  No turning back now.  He took it with the calm reaction that said he had been there and done this many times before.  I was happy to hear that he has been very pleased with my work, wishes me the best and wants me to know that I am leaving this job in great standing.  I'm glad I will be leaving with this bridge fully intact.

Two weeks and counting...

Have a good night!

The Acceptance Speech.

Hello Dear Readers,
After a night and day of celebrating my job offer, today I had the fantastic task of giving my acceptance speech.

How I pictured it...

I'd like to thank my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my mother, my late father, my husband, my children, my brothers, my law professors, and all of the people who prayed that this day would come.

I am humbled by your offer of employment, and honored to join such an esteemed team of lawyers.
It is with great joy that I accept your offer, and I look forward to joining your organization in the very near future...


How it happened...

Phone rings.  I ask receptionist to speak with hiring partner.  She tells me he is on another call, and connects me to his voicemail.   I put on my best enthusiastically professional tone and calmly tell him how excited I am to be joining the firm and that I will get back to him with a start date as soon as possible.  The end.

Tomorrow I give notice to my current employer.  Stay tuned for the reaction.

A Brand New Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jubilation! Gratitude! Anticipation!

I got the job.

Realistically, there are no words to describe how great I felt to get the written offer this evening.  I tried to find a clip from the "Can You Feel A Brand New Day" scene in The Wiz to demonstrate my joy, but surprisingly, it hasn't found its way to Youtube.    I did find a bootleg version  (see below) that someone created with their own pictures.  To refresh your memory, this is the scene when the factory workers celebrate after Dorothy kills the wicked witch, Evilene.  All of the characters are ecstatic about the possibilities for their future.

I am feeling them tonight.

Give me a day to celebrate, and I'll tell you the whole tale tomorrow.

 

"Famous"

I recognized myself in a song today.  I wish I could say it was an inspirational song of praise by Chris Tomlin or a feel good anthem by India Arie, but it was neither.  The artist, Jazmine Sullivan, is an amazing talent- her smoky voice reminds me of a cross between Lauryn Hill and Mary J. Blige.  I have become a great fan of her music.  Her style is never clean and pretty, but it is always honest.

Her latest gem is a song called simply, “Famous.” Click here to review the lyrics and hear the song before you read on. I was initially drawn in by the raw beauty of her vocals on the chorus but the lyrics are a powerful commentary on our culture of self.  On its face the song is the artist’s confessional declaration that she is driven  by the promise of celebrity.  Jazmine sings,

No one wants to be invisible
Everyone just wants to be seen.
I know one thing is so irresistible
Cause we all need a reason to be.

In hearing those words, I thought about the exploding popularity of Twitter and Facebook and our societal obsession with telling anyone who will listen about the mundane details of our lives through tweets and status updates.  I thought about the implied influence that correlates with a high number of Twitter followers, Facebook fans, blog subscribers/followers, linkedin connections etc. I thought about the willingness of people to video themselves participating in  everything from brutal bullying attacks to having sex and post it on youtube to be viewed by the world.

I wanna matter to the world.

Although I have never aspired to the kind of household name fame that Jasmine will certainly achieve, her words resonate with my own desire to be known. As she sang the chorus, I reflected on my feelings of validation whenever I post an opinion on Facebook (or this blog) and someone else posts a comment endorsing my perspective.  I remembered all the times I’ve called some public figure a “nobody” because they are not a member of my mental “A-list.”  I considered my dream of writing a bestselling novel and my plan to build the readership of this blog as a platform for that project.  I thought about all of the blogs and books I read about building my personal "brand." 

I share these thoughts with trepidation. I know my true purpose  is to point others to Christ in all I do and I am concerned that the connection I feel to this song reveals that I have been contaminated by self.  I'm honestly not sure how to feel about the way I feel.  Is it wrong to be passionate about something (in my case, writing) and want to be known for my ability to do it well? Is the virtuous mind one that only seeks to achieve excellence for its own sake?

What do you think Dear Readers? Can you relate?  

Living the Dream...

Hello Dear Readers! I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I just registered to take the Jeopardy! online test. This is the first step in qualifying to become a contestant on Jeopardy! My kids and I watch this show every day and I really do consider it a great opportunity for them to learn interesting information and practice thinking on their feet. They can already answer a few questions every week. I would love to appear on Jeopardy! I'd probably end up with a negative score, but you only live once (on this side of eternity) right?!! If you have any interest in taking the test, it is offered online on February 8, 2011 at 8 p.m. EST. Click here for more details and let me know if you'll be testing with me:)

Have a great week!

The Waiting Game

Sitting atop my priority list for 2011 is finding a new job.  As I see it, there are pretty much four stages in the job search process:

• 1) Finding out about the job opening; 
• 2) Getting the interview;
• 3) Surviving the Interview process; and
• 4) Closure (Waiting for the offer)

In my current situation, a phone call last summer from someone in my network allowed me to cruise through stages one and two quickly.  Literally overnight.  Stage three proved a more lengthy process.  Over the last six months I  endured five separate interview sessions with over two dozen people. My final interview took place eleven days ago.  At that time, I was informed that "things look good " and my candidacy would now have to survive three committee meetings (recruiting, management and partnership) before a final offer could be extended.  The estimated time for an answer was approximately two weeks. So now I wait in stage four.

To pass the time, I have tried to move some of my job search"eggs" to other baskets- last week I had two interviews for a completely different position. Although the company seemed fun, at this stage in my financial life, I can't afford to take a job for pay that makes my current government salary look like executive compensation. I should have known there was a red flag when the hiring manager had to stop at his CUBICLE to grab the pre-printed interview questions on our way to the conference room. In that instance, stages 1-4 (including my rejection of the offer) took roughly three days to complete.

Eleven days and counting... 

I'm preparing to follow up on Monday.  I keep telling myself (and everyone around me) that I'm not counting on an offer.  I wish that were true.  Securing this job will open up crucial financial doors and allow me to begin building my legal career in our current city.  At this point, I'd just like to get a final answer so I can move on.

The waiting game is difficult.  I am reminded of a favorite passage of scripture from Proverbs 3:5  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  I am also reminded of Ecclesiastes 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than its beginning and patience is better than pride."  Amen.

Are you waiting for anything, dear readers?  Let's try to learn patience together.  Please say a prayer for me if you read this post before I post an update!

Ten pounds to Lose.

Today I wore a suit to work that I haven't been able to fit into in over three years.  That probably sounds like good news until I tell you that the last time I wore this suit I was pregnant with my youngest son. In fact, between you and me, it is still missing the button that popped off toward the end of my first trimester:)  This non-maternity suit was purchased during my "camouflage" phase to serve as a clever disguise until I broke out in my Motherhood Maternity gear during trimester two.

That said, it should be obvious that without pregnancy as a scapegoat, my ability to wear this suit is not a good thing. Let the running begin.  I started last week and am proud to say that I have already pushed through the first  few days of achy muscles and fatigue.  My goal is to get back to running five miles 4-5 times a week.  Right now I am winded after the one mile lap around my neighborhood. My, what a difference a few months of no exercise and junk food can make. I realize that perhaps this isn't the best time of year to embark on a weight loss quest;Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are all formidable foes to anyone trying to stick to a healthy diet.  (Curse you Halloween- the cheap candy sales that followed your holiday are what got me into this mess in the first place... !)

I've got ten pounds to lose, one run at a time. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.  Until then, I'll be revisiting my old "pre" maternity wardrobe that I hope one day to wear again for its original purpose.

Today I Dream

In my experience, there are three essential steps to initiate change:  1) Dream that it can happen (allow your mind to conceive that it could happen).  2) Formulate the plan (confront the reality of how it can happen).  3)  Execute the plan (take action to make it happen).  Although I could write at length about all three steps, today I feel like dreaming.

I love dreams because they are not limited by my current circumstances or the boundaries of reality. In my freest moments, I allow my mind to consider possibilities that practicality ultimately overrides. What if I had another five children and homeschooled them all to Harvard? What if I started a school for black boys that combined high academic standards with christian character education to produce a generation of Godly leaders? What if we could find a way to generate enough income so that our family could spend several years abroad and my kids could truly become fluent in multiple languages? What if I became a bestselling author and got to walk the red carpet on Oscar night when my novel became a celebrated film?  What if I actually ran and finished a full marathon? The beauty of a dream is that the only scrutiny it must withstand is the limits of my own imagination. It belongs to me.  I can choose to share it with others or cherish it privately in moments when my sense of purpose is uncertain. Today I sat down and wrote out an updated playlist of the current dreams that constantly loop in my brain when I need an escape.   Here they are in no particular order:

• Start a butterfly garden
• Start a real garden (with food....)
• Learn to play guitar
• Play piano again and develop my skills to the level that they were in high school
• Write a song and record it with my own voice 
• Become debt free
• Write a novel and publish it
• Write a screenplay based on said novel and see it produced into a feature film
• Memorize several biblical passages in the old and new testament and teach them to my kids
• Earn enough as a freelance writer to work from home and build my schedule around our family
• Run a marathon (starting with 10k, and 1/2 marathon )
• Live abroad long enough for my sons to become fluent in all six official languages of the U.N.
• Become fluent in Mandarin and Spanish
• Go on a vacation with my husband alone
• Become debt free
• Take our children on a whale watch to see orca whales in their natural habitat
• Take our children on an African safari
• Visit all 50 states and each continent at least once by the time my oldest child graduates from high school
• Have at least one daughter:)  (I would love twin girls)
• Become debt free (This one repeats itself because realizing this dream is the gateway to realizing so many of the others)
• Introduce my sons to Barack Obama
• Introduce my mom to Barack Obama
• Introduce myself to Michelle Obama 
• Meet: Maya Angelou, Bill Cosby, Phylicia Rashad, Condoleezza Rice, Robin Roberts, India Arie, Marva Collins, Ce Ce Winans, and James Dobson.
• Send homemade cookies and a note of appreciation to all of the people I care about at least once
• Go to an Olympic Games
• Start a children's clothing line for boys
• Start a school for black boys like Urban Prep in Chicago
• Find a place within the pro-life movement
• Become an amateur photographer
• Become an expert in something.

   That's the short list.  My goal is to check in with this list after the new year and give an update on any progress.

Being Broke: This too shall pass

Dear Self (my most devoted reader),
As you know, I have spent much of the last two weeks reflecting on the difference between being poor and being broke. Truthfully, when our bank balance fell so low that we were happy each day just to stay above zero, the distinction between poor and broke seemed merely semantic. Suddenly, waiting to get paid at the end of the month felt like holding my breath in the middle of the ocean and each day without money was like another hour treading water. Payday began on an emotional high that quickly dropped off into a depressing realization that the bills we just paid were yesterday's debts. Each dollar paid was one step closer to the end of the plank that sent us back to another month trying to keep our heads above water to avoid drowning.
That said, with a quick glance at recent economic news to confirm that it could be MUCH worse, and the help of the Lord reminding me to trust in him, I have come to the grateful realization that we are broke and not poor. Being poor is a state of mind that translates into a belief that your current lack of resources is a permanent condition. Being broke is simply a description of your current circumstances that can be viewed as a temporary condition that can change. This too shall pass.

Writer's Block.

Less than two weeks in to the blogging life and I've already broken the cardinal rule: Write. Write. Write. In the time since my last entry, I've had at least one seemingly brilliant idea each day, but by the time I started typing and editing the post in Word, my mind had moved on to something else. So tonight I write. Not to produce anything witty or memorable, but to conquer the overwhelming feelings of self-doubt that creep in whenever I click on the link to open a new post. I haven't even told anyone else that this blog exists. It's almost like a secret diary that I have intentionally left on the kitchen table in the hopes that someone discovers it without my introduction. Dear Reader (if you exist), thanks for stopping in.

And so it begins...

Writing a blog is like dancing naked across a dark stage knowing that at any minute, the lights might come up and a crowd full of spectators could be focused on your every move.

Today I have the naïve joy and false confidence of putting my thoughts out there knowing that not another soul has any clue of their existence.

I have the absolute freedom to tell the world what I really think about serious controversial issues, or to focus on lighthearted observations about topics that will be irrelevant next week.

I can write as though I assume that everyone in the world agrees with me, because until a comment says otherwise, there is no evidence to the contrary.

I know that this post may one day be read by thousands of people, or eventually die a simple death by deletion, read only by my mother, and my husband (if nothing more interesting catches his eye on ebay or itunes first).

So with that in mind Dear Reader (if you exist), this blog is a private quest with public oversight- a means to an end, if you will. It is my declaration that I love to write, and I have the discipline to do it; and ultimately it is the precursor to my lifelong dream of writing a novel without fear of how the world will receive it.

I’m ready to get undressed (metaphorically speaking…) see you at the theater.