I Voted Today

I voted today.
Not with the exuberant expectation I felt in 2008.
Not with the civic duty I felt in 2006.
Not even with the cautious optimism that I felt in 2004 and 2000.

Today I voted with about the same level of enthusiasm that I experienced the last time took my son to the doctor.  For shots.  Voting this year was a painful obligation. I have never been so torn.  If this election were just about the candidates on the ballot, my choices would have been easier.  But for the past six months, I have been constantly reminded by the political pundits that EVERY race- no matter how local, is actually a referendum on the President himself.  I hate that.

My relationship with our President is quite complicated. On a personal level, I love him, his wife, his daughters and even his mother-in-law.  I relate to them like no other Presidential family and would be highly honored to shake any one of their hands and invite them to my home for dinner.   I take personal offense whenever I hear people question his citizenship, his religion, or his patriotism.  Thank God he graduated at the top of his class from Harvard Law School or I'd have to take offense every time some C student pundit questioned that too. I take even more offense at the suggestion that he is so "different" from past presidents, that "most" Americans can't "relate" to him, and that he doesn't "connect" with the electorate. I think those comments stem from the discomfort felt by many because of his race.  I buy my children books and tee-shirts about the President, because I feel a certain level of reverence for him as a historic figure.

That  said, I recognize that my true relationship to President Obama is first and foremost as a voter to a politician.  I have never forgotten that my personal pride in his great accomplishments must be separated from my responsibility to vote for candidates that best reflect my political agenda. I am a social conservative and I don't appreciate the values I hold dear being portrayed by most Democrats (including the President) as extreme.  I am not fooled by local Democrats hiding behind the endorsement of President Obama to claim that they deserve the African American vote when their actions have not shown any more concern for my community than their Republican opponents.  I am disgusted that someone with such questionable credentials as Sarah Palin is now running the Republican party.  (I am equally annoyed that her rhythmless "teen activist" daughter is still a contestant on Dancing With the Stars)  I watched the debates of my state candidates for Senate hoping that one of them would say something meaningful. It didn't happen. Both claimed to be the candidate of "change." (Where have I heard that one before?)  I watched the attack ads that my Democratic Congressional incumbent ran against his Republican challenger with disgust because it was obvious that they were intended to distort and not inform.    The one Congressional candidate that I actually liked was not running to represent my district.

In the end, I split the vote and halfheartedly took my "I voted" sticker with the same bittersweet reluctance my son shows when he is offered a sticker reward after a painful succession of shots.  Yes, I voted today. But I'm not happy about it no matter who wins this election.

Today I Dream

In my experience, there are three essential steps to initiate change:  1) Dream that it can happen (allow your mind to conceive that it could happen).  2) Formulate the plan (confront the reality of how it can happen).  3)  Execute the plan (take action to make it happen).  Although I could write at length about all three steps, today I feel like dreaming.

I love dreams because they are not limited by my current circumstances or the boundaries of reality. In my freest moments, I allow my mind to consider possibilities that practicality ultimately overrides. What if I had another five children and homeschooled them all to Harvard? What if I started a school for black boys that combined high academic standards with christian character education to produce a generation of Godly leaders? What if we could find a way to generate enough income so that our family could spend several years abroad and my kids could truly become fluent in multiple languages? What if I became a bestselling author and got to walk the red carpet on Oscar night when my novel became a celebrated film?  What if I actually ran and finished a full marathon? The beauty of a dream is that the only scrutiny it must withstand is the limits of my own imagination. It belongs to me.  I can choose to share it with others or cherish it privately in moments when my sense of purpose is uncertain. Today I sat down and wrote out an updated playlist of the current dreams that constantly loop in my brain when I need an escape.   Here they are in no particular order:

• Start a butterfly garden
• Start a real garden (with food....)
• Learn to play guitar
• Play piano again and develop my skills to the level that they were in high school
• Write a song and record it with my own voice 
• Become debt free
• Write a novel and publish it
• Write a screenplay based on said novel and see it produced into a feature film
• Memorize several biblical passages in the old and new testament and teach them to my kids
• Earn enough as a freelance writer to work from home and build my schedule around our family
• Run a marathon (starting with 10k, and 1/2 marathon )
• Live abroad long enough for my sons to become fluent in all six official languages of the U.N.
• Become fluent in Mandarin and Spanish
• Go on a vacation with my husband alone
• Become debt free
• Take our children on a whale watch to see orca whales in their natural habitat
• Take our children on an African safari
• Visit all 50 states and each continent at least once by the time my oldest child graduates from high school
• Have at least one daughter:)  (I would love twin girls)
• Become debt free (This one repeats itself because realizing this dream is the gateway to realizing so many of the others)
• Introduce my sons to Barack Obama
• Introduce my mom to Barack Obama
• Introduce myself to Michelle Obama 
• Meet: Maya Angelou, Bill Cosby, Phylicia Rashad, Condoleezza Rice, Robin Roberts, India Arie, Marva Collins, Ce Ce Winans, and James Dobson.
• Send homemade cookies and a note of appreciation to all of the people I care about at least once
• Go to an Olympic Games
• Start a children's clothing line for boys
• Start a school for black boys like Urban Prep in Chicago
• Find a place within the pro-life movement
• Become an amateur photographer
• Become an expert in something.

   That's the short list.  My goal is to check in with this list after the new year and give an update on any progress.

A Word of Encouragement

Dear Mr. President,
I know you are a busy man, but the beauty of the internet is that even a fledgling blog by an unknown writer can be stumbled upon by the most powerful man in the world.  My parents' generation would've reminded me that you put your pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.  Likewise, today I remind myself that you surf the internet just like the rest of us. So I will write this post as if you will actually read it. Because maybe you will:)

This will not be a critique of your actions as President or a list of phony suggestions to avoid the round of musical chairs that is predicted to leave the Democrats in the unfortunate position as the last ones standing on November 2.  I won't pretend to have anything new to say on the subject that you can't hear ten times a day on MSNBC, Fox News or The View.  I am a voter without allegiance to either major party and I like it that way.  I've voted in three Presidential elections and have always come out on the winning side. Although there have been many times that I have questioned or flat out disagreed with your decisions, I still greatly admire and respect you as a person and have been saddened to see what a difference two years can make in the fortunes of a President.(Full disclosure--I also felt bad for GWB toward the end.)

Consider this post to be a friendly word of encouragement from a stranger who cares.     I taught the poem below to my oldest son last year when he was four.  I prayed that the time we invested in that process would yield priceless returns to him through the years when these words shaped his internal response to life's adversity.  At the time I thought the poem was for him, but I now know that God wanted me to internalize its message as well.  Don't Quit. It takes a second to say, but a lifetime to live out.

Although my life is challenging, I can't begin to comprehend the toll that our current political climate has taken on you and your family.   Please don't quit, Mr. President.  You are the hero of my generation, the answered prayer of my parents' generation and the historical baseline for my children's generation. But more important than that, you are an involved black husband and father which makes you part of a team that can't afford to lose any of its members:)    Keep fighting the good fight.  Those of us who really care will support you when you're right and respectfully let you know when you're wrong.   None of us can predict the future: Two years from now the pendulum may swing back in the other direction. Or not.

In the meantime, all you have is today, so be encouraged, Mr. President.   I'll be praying for you.
  

                                 Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
- Author unknown