Don't Forget the Lyrics

This morning I heard a Jill Scott song, Gotta Get Up, that perfectly summarized my mindset at the time. Jill sings, "I don't wanna go to work today-- I'd rather stay home and play...I'd rather chill for real-- I don't know how you feel--but sometimes I feel like I'm --Working for nothing, tryin' to get sumthin' --  Everywhere I turn there's a bill standing out--swim the river climb the hill--Complacency you ain't gone get me no no no no" (To view lyrics and hear the song click here.)

I sat there listening to this song at work and became one with every line.  Music is amazing that way. It has the power to perfectly capture an emotion or tell a story that can bring complete strangers together like old friends.  The power of a great song is its ability to articulate a state of mind in a way that spoken words cannot.  

Here's a sample list of a few other songs that have formed the soundtrack of my adult life at various stages.  The lyrics of all of these songs spoke directly to something I was feeling or a situation I was living through at the time I first heard them and were tremendously therapeutic to listen to repeatedly.  In my embrace of these songs, I became the artist and not just a listener.


It Ain't Over by Maurette Brown Clark
Great is Thy Faithfulness by Fernando Ortega
Beautiful Flower by India Arie
Focus by Brandy
I Decided by Liv Warfield
Fear by Jazmine Sullivan (This one has a few lyrics that I didn't agree with but I could definitely relate to the general theme)
I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
The Stand by Kristian Stanfill
Your Name by Paul Baloche
My Life by Mary J. Blige

This is just a short sample list. There are obviously many others but I chose these few because I really connected with the lyrics

What songs have moved you?

A Goldfish Story

Much has been written about the love between a boy and his dog. This story is about the genuine bond between a boy and his fish.

A refrigerator portrait of Fighter and Woody. This was drawn just days before their tragic demise.

My oldest son loves fish the way most five year old boys love super heroes.  After viewing Finding Nemo for the first time at age four, he became obsessed with the ocean, the lake near our (then) home and any living creatures that make their home in water.  It seemed like the natural progression on his path toward a career in marine biology to purchase his first goldfish for his fifth birthday.

It was a glorious occasion.  Picture our entire family peering into a 50 gallon tank with about 1000 goldfish while my son pointed out the exact fish he wanted and demanded that the pet store worker catch it. He never waivered, despite her efforts to convince him to select one of the slow movers she was able to easily scoop into the net.  After several failed attempts, when finally caught, my son's fish jumped out of the net and flopped around on the counter to avoid capture. In that moment, his name was set, "Let's call him, 'Fighter' mommy, because he fought to be free!" And so our journey with "Fighter" began.

Fighter started out in a bowl, but we soon realized that a small tank with a filter would be a better choice.  Each day my son gazed at Fighter for long intervals and wondered aloud about what he might be thinking or what his life would be like in a pond. My three year old also had questions of his own, like how many toys can I stuff in his tank when mommy's not looking?

Through it all, Fighter swam on and played his role as our pet goldfish flawlessly.  Unlike many goldfish, Fighter was a unique silver color with black markings. Whenever my oldest son approached his tank, he swam happily around with the zeal of  a trained dolphin at Sea World.  Each morning, my son reminded us to feed him and marveled at his appetite. Over time, Fighter grew and we decided to upgrade his living quarters again.  We purchased a 10 gallon tank for Christmas 2010 and decided to bring him home a little tank buddy.

Fighter's first few days in his new home were a joy to watch.  He swam back and forth constantly and zipped around the fluorescent colored plastic plants at top speed.  My son was thrilled! Unfortunately, his new tank mate brought more than the "variety" we had hoped for to our pet collection.  From almost the beginning, "Woody" the goldfish just didn't seem to quite fit in. He didn't swim much, didn't leave the bottom of the tank and never quite had any spunk. Probably because he was carrying a deadly disease and was already sick.

About a week after moving into the new tank with Woody, Fighter started swimming less and hanging out on the bottom more.  Then he started gasping for air at the top of the tank in a vertical position for most of the day.  I didn't think much of it because I noticed that he still swam back and forth normally at night. Woody just hid behind a plant all day and we labeled him "the shy one."  The end was near, but we didn't know it.

On Wednesday,  my son awoke to discover that Woody was no longer at the bottom of the tank.  He had died during the night and been sucked onto the filter. My first thought was whether I still had my receipt to go get a replacement.  Woody was a typical orange goldfish that could easily be substituted by any pet store. While I pondered that thought, my husband flushed Woody to his final resting place and my oldest son wailed. Too late to replace Woody.   I looked at Fighter and knew the countdown for his demise had begun because he was clearly not well.

Fighter held on for two more days- living up to his name with each frail breath.  After searching the Internet for answers, we purchased a fish antibiotic and added it to the tank water with a prayer.  We finally decided to cover his tank because watching him suffer was too distressing for my son (and for me too-ugh).  Every time I thought we had finally lost him, he mustered up the strength to wiggle just enough to avoid the net transport to the bathroom. Finally, my husband couldn't take it anymore and he flushed him on Friday during his lunch break.  Time of death is unknown because he hadn't quite gotten there when he reached his final flush.  After hearing that part of the story, I closed the lid of the toilet and flushed it about three times as soon as the kids and I returned home from school.  The loss of a fish is traumatizing enough without seeing him floating in the toilet after you get the news. (My son still won't use that toilet because he witnessed Woody's flushing)

My son took the news as expected- hard.  He is processing the loss of Fighter and Woody and asking a lot of questions about death and sickness.We did our own version of  a memorial service/ celebration of life on Sunday. Cake plus ice cream and singing silly songs about our pet fish. It seemed to help.

Now that a few days have passed, the requests for future pets have begun.  My youngest son has already put in his vote for a dog. (!)  Life goes on, and I'm sure our pet family will expand again. But none of us will ever forget the love we witnessed between a boy and his first fish.

Talk to you soon!

The week in review

So I'm sitting alone in Panera contemplating my progress thus far in 2011. It is an unseasonably warm Sunday afternoon in my neck of the woods so I decided to head out for a few moments to collect my thoughts while hubby and the kids grill dinner.  As usual, so much to say, so little time to say it.

A lot has happened in the last week:

• I had three job interviews for two jobs. (yea!)  That experience is worth its own post so I'll save the commentary for later...
• I faced the HARD reality that getting financially fit this year is going to be much more difficult than losing those 10 extra holiday pounds. I have committed to taking a 13 week financial freedom class at a local church. BRUTAL.  I heard a presentation on compounding interest last week that was so depressing because nothing he said was new to me yet my failure to act on it has already cost six figures worth of future savings.  I remember hearing that same talk when I first started working- back when I thought I had forever to save.  My 22 year old self  sat smugly in a room full of shell shocked older colleagues that had almost visible time clocks ticking over their heads and I arrogantly pitied their lack of preparation.  Ironically, at 35, I was the cautionary tale our instructor used to show the importance of saving early. Painful.  [Dear Reader, if you don't know what compounding interest is, stop reading this post and click here to find out!!!!!!!!)  Today's lesson on insurance coverage was no less eye opening. My first call tomorrow is going to be to Allstate...
• Our family lost both of our pet goldfish to a tank virus that we are still trying to figure out.  The loss was devastating for my oldest son.  Now that I think about it, that experience is worth its own post too so stay tuned.
• I realized for the 999,999,999 time that marriage is hard.  That experience is probably worth several posts, but I digress...
• I watched the return episode of The Game along with 7.7 million other people.  The hoopla surrounding its return to tv made me think about the lack of work for black actors on television and in film.   In one of the promos, the actor Pooch Hall, "Derwin Davis" looks at the camera and earnestly says to the viewers, "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a job."  Dude was dead serious and very grateful. I think urban (black) viewers are desperate to watch something besides the (opposite of funny) TBS Tyler Perry lineup.  I feel sorry for the cast of those shows because the material is so beneath their talent but I guess they are happy to work period.  The new Ice Cube (un)comedy, Are We There Yet? promises to drop the standard set by Tyler Perry to a new low.  I am very glad to see the Game back and I hope it will be a great vehicle to showcase the real talent of its cast.   I also hope it will open the door for more shows featuring black actors. Speaking of opening the door, I also watched the premier of Oprah's OWN network  My review: It is basically a combo of Lifetime and TLC and about as interesting.  
• My three year old started his journey toward fluency in Mandarin by enrolling in the same school my five year old attends. Exciting!!!!!! Definitely worth a post.
• I reminded myself that excellence is deliberate and so should you.

That's my week in a nutshell, dear readers.  What did you do this week?  What are your goals for 2011?  Let's walk through this journey together.  Looking forward to your thoughts.

Gotta run, I'm sure the family is looking for me now.

Excellence is Deliberate.

From the moment I gave birth to my first son, I have purposely infused his worldview with a steady diet of great expectations: "You can be President!"  "You can learn multiple foreign languages!"  "You can aim for the toilet and not for the wall!"  All the while I have struggled to execute these great expectations in the area of fulfilling my own potential.

About two years ago, I heard a message in church about raising Godly children.  To paraphrase, the pastor said simply, "You raise who you are, not what you say."  In other words, our children learn more about how to live their lives from the way we model behavior than from the character lessons we attempt to instill intellectually.  So true. In many aspects I am my mother. In the way I raise my children, in the way I think about the world around me, and even in the way I physically carry myself including my speaking voice.  Certainly, in other significant ways I am my own woman, but the core of who I am started with who my parents showed me I could be.  As the parent of two exceptional little boys, that thought is both exciting and terrifying.  God gave me two blank slates and one of my deepest fears is that I will somehow "mess them up" and ruin their potential because of my failings as a mother.

In 2011 (and beyond) I am raising the bar. Stepping up my game. Starting with the (wo)man in the mirror... and every other cliche that signifies a commitment to excellence.  The truth is, excellence is deliberate.  A life worth noting never happens by accident. Think about that. Let it sink in and repeat it to yourself.  EXCELLENCE IS DELIBERATE. 

That commitment to excellence is what this blog is all about;  A chronicle of my journey to strive for excellence in my faith, my family, my career and my community.  If you have made it this far through this post, I know that you are committed to the same thing in your own life, on your own terms.  It is my desire that you will take this journey with me and invite others along the way.

Old School...

New School...

So why now?  This is the first year in at least the last five years that I have no plans or (likely) possibility of a move.  I am finally able to put down roots in a community and make long(er) term plans for my family life, career and community involvement. That is HUGE!

Phase one of my plan, stabilize our finances and transition from a job mentality to career building mindset.  Let the financial management classes and career networking begin!

Happy New Year dear readers!  Let's make it a great one together.

Merry Christmas!

Dear Readers,
December has flown by and I must admit that I am still working on consistently updating this blog when my life in the real world gets busy! Once again I have so much to say and so little time to say it.  Christmas 2010 was a wonder. For the first time in my 35 years, I did not make the pilgrimage to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family.  Instead, my husband and I were determined to begin our own Christmas traditions with our boys.  I spent the day watching a marathon of The Christmas Story, listening to a mix CD of great Christmas classics like Silent Night by the Temptations and Let it Snow by Boyz to Men, telling our children the biblical Christmas story, preparing a delicious Christmas meal, loving on my hubby and enjoying family time.  In a word, AMAZING.  The look on my five year old's face when he opened his favorite gift was worth every day of financial struggle we have faced this year. The sound of my three year old's laughter as he ran through the house will always be with me when I remember this Christmas.  The icing on the cake was a Skype chat with my family that was almost as good as seeing them all in person.  What a day.  I thank God for allowing us to have such a wonderful day of joyful memories.  I hope you and yours had a Merry Christmas 2010! Talk to you again soon.

Happy Birthday to Me:)

Today I celebrated my 35th birthday! So many feelings, so little time to share them tonight.  I will think on it and post more tomorrow.  In the meantime, I have been pondering the story of my life lately and thinking on who I would want to play the principal roles.  These initial selections are based in part on the personality of the actor and appearance.

Young Clair- played by Anika Noni Rose.  I love the way she carries herself, there is a vague physical resemblance and she can SANG! My life story might need to be told as a musical:)

Hubby- played by Dennis Haysburt (The black guy from the Allstate commercials).  Strength, dignity and style. Plus there is some physical resemblance:)

My Mom- this was a hard one.  My mom has a special persona that could not be captured by just anyone.  After consulting with her, we decided that Loretta Devine could do the job.  There isn't much physical resemblance, but I think Ms. Devine could capture my mom's mannerisms and ways.

My Dad- another tough one.  I haven't settled on an actor yet, but I'd give Fred Hammond an audition for physical resemblance reasons.

My Children- At this point, they could play themselves in the movie:)

OK, enough random thoughts.  Only 23 minutes of birthday left. Time to find hubby and finish it with a bang! Literally;)

Kitchen Cred: Five recipes I am trying to master

This morning I made a traditional breakfast for my family of blueberry pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. I must admit, cooking a meal that is well received always boosts my confidence in my credentials as a wife and mother. As I watched my five year old eat his second helping of pancakes, I came up with a list of five recipes that I would like to perfect to secure my place in the minds of my husband and children as a true master of home cooking.

1) Pancakes.  Still working on the recipe- my goal is to figure out what IHOP does and copy that.  My pancakes still tend to be too heavy and doughy for my taste.  I want them to be light, slightly sweet and delicious.  I might as well work on waffles while I'm at it.

2) Turkey and the fixins.  I have only prepared one turkey in my life.  It was dry and only slightly flavorful.  This one will require practice during the off season (times other than Thanksgiving) to perfect.  I also need to settle on a recipe for Greens, Macaroni and Cheese, and potato salad.  The cool thing about side dishes is that every family has their own tastes, so I just have to perfect them for the taste buds of my household. 

3) Chocolate Chip cookies.  I feel pretty confident with my current recipe and it already wins rave reviews from my family members. My next goal is to memorize it and be able to throw it together at will.

4) Pound cake/ birthday cake.  Cake has never been my strong suit in any form.  My mom makes the best pound cake, but I have never been able to duplicate her recipe.  I will continue to practice.  I'd also like to be able to make a delicious yellow or chocolate flavored cake for birthdays without relying on Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker.

5)  Baked pork chops or chicken breasts.  Every time I make a baked piece of boneless meat, there is at least a 50% chance that I will overcook it until it's dry.  When a pork chop is baked right, it's delicious and succulent.  When it's cooked wrong, it's like seasoned rawhide.  This one is just a matter of technique- I am confident that I will figure it out.

Let me know if you have any recipes you are currently trying to perfect.  What recipes do you remember most fondly from your mother's kitchen?  I love my mom's Oven fried chicken, pound cake and macaroni and cheese.  I also love the way she makes fried eggs:)