You Know it's Election Season When You Hear...

As the 2010 Midterm election draws near, I find myself growing ever more weary of hearing the same tired political cliches.  Here are a few of the most tiresome and their actual translations:

1) What they say ...I am the candidate of change.
What they should say... "In 2-4-6 years, you will want to get rid of me too."

2) What they say ..."Washington is broken."
What they should admit..."It won't be fixed if I get elected."

3) What they say ... "I am not a Washington insider..."
How they should finish that sentence... "yet."

4) What they preach ... "I am going to fight the special interests."
What they practice... "except for the ones that fund my political campaign."

5)  What they claim ... "I want to create jobs and help small businesses."
What they should say... "and blame the other party if it doesn't happen."

6) What they say ... My opponent is "extreme"
What they should say... "My opponent actually has a strongly held conviction or a novel idea that they are willing to stick to.  I prefer to waffle in the middle and am fooling no one."

7) What they proclaim... "I'm proud to be an American."
What they imply ... "Unless you agree with me, you hate this country."

8) What they say ... "I believe in family values."
What they mean ... "I want the christian vote."

9) What they say... "I am a progressive."
What they mean... "I want the homosexual vote."


And last but not least...


10) What they say...  "I want to work across the aisle to end the gridlock in Washington."
What they should say... "I am already writing my concession speech now because this outdated idea went out in 2008 after the election of Obama."