Graduation Day

Today is graduation day.  For the past three months I participated in a Leadership Academy for "young" lawyers that offered a comprehensive curriculum designed to equip us with knowledge about our personal leadership style, methods of influencing others and an array of other subjects.  As a result, we are all tasked with implementing a "Leadership Legacy Project" in our local communities.  I am pumped.  My project deals with promoting academic achievement and cross-cultural training and language instruction to black boys.  I'll keep you posted. Literally:)

Reconnecting.

I'm on vacation!! Yay! In the physical, mental and familial aftermath of billing 250 hours last month, I decided to take this week off.  For real.  I have only checked my email twice since Sunday.   My hubby and I took the boys on a short "one tank" trip for a couple of days to get away and strengthen the family ties that have become worn because I am out of place.  Yes, out of place.  When your husband has to call you to come home from work at midnight because you're still there engrossed in a project- that is out of place.  When your seven year old is the ONLY child in his class whose mommy didn't show up for the Mother's Day program because she had to work out of town- that is out of place.  When your four year old can't sleep at night (because you're not home) and is taking three hour naps in preschool to make up for it- that is out of place.  When you have no desire to be a wife to your husband because you've just worked a string of 14+ hour days- that is definitely out of place.  I knew that a change had to come, but spending time with my family this week confirmed it.  I haven't been this happy and relaxed in months.  My boys haven't been this happy and relaxed in months.  My husband and I haven't gone this long without snapping at each other in months.  Good times.  Yesterday we went to the zoo, the mall, out to eat, and swimming in the hotel pool.  At the end of the day I took a video of the boys to recap our adventures. When I asked them their favorite part of the day, the four year old answered immediately:  "Being with you!"  My thoughts exactly.   I am praying for a new opportunity to open up soon.

Excellence is Deliberate!

When Late Nights Collide With Early Mornings

Last night I pulled an all-nighter.  The kind that starts at 12pm on a Sunday afternoon and ends on Monday morning  after the kids get ready for school.  ALL NIGHT LONG.    On the bright side, I watched at least 3 episodes of Law and Order, an episode of cheers and the Meryl Streep/Alec Baldwin romantic comedy, "It's Complicated" before the sun came up.  Side note: That movie is HILARIOUS at 3 in the morning!   So why was I up all night?  Working on a 35 page brief that absolutely, positively had to get done.  The good news:  I've billed at least 60 hours in the past week related to this project. In case you're not a firm lawyer, here's everything you need to know about billable hours: more = better. The bad news- I've billed at least 60 hours on this in the past week - on top of hours billed for other clients and non-billable work.  That is EXHAUSTING.  Nothing hurts me more than coming home from work after my boys fall asleep.  In fact, on Thursday, my husband sent me a text around midnight telling me to come home because (1) It was friggin MIDNIGHT and (2) my poor four year old was crying that he couldn't sleep until I got home.  Now that sucks.

When I started this job, my oldest son was in kindergarten.  I blinked and he is now getting ready to begin second grade.  Time flies when you are (almost completely) distracted.  My husband and I have been talking and we agree--We can't go out like that.  Preparing for the next transition.  More talk on that later.

For now, I need to get some sleep.

Excellence is deliberate.

To the Boys: Chapters 7 and 4.

I LOVE YOU THIS MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To My Dear Boys.

My love for you is like buttery syrup-infused IHOP pancakes.  Every fiber of my being is saturated with it.   I have loved you both from the moment I knew of your existence and for years when the thought of you was a mere possibility.  You challenge and amaze me on a daily basis and no matter how miserably I fail to live the life of a perfect example, your innocent admiration motivates me to keep trying. I love the way you giggle openly at childish things, the way you honestly question the world around you, the way you fight each other for the right to receive my kisses, the way your eyes light up when I return from a terrible day at work, the way you snuggle with me in bed with cold feet wrapping themselves around my legs, the way you take pride in our family traditions like playing UNO and evening prayer, the way you sing at the top of your lungs when Mommy turns up her "jam" on the radio, the way you see the good in people and look to me for confirmation, the way you trust completely in God without reservation, and the way you are each growing up to be absolutely unique and amazing individuals.  I pray that the years ahead bring many more opportunities for me to share how much I love you and that your memories of your childhood are always rooted in the certainty that your spiritual, physical, intellectual, and emotional well-being are always precious to Mommy. I will never give up on vigilantly protecting all of the above.

Thank- you for making this my favorite day of the year. 

Thank You, Mr. President.

Maya Angelou got it right, "When people show you who they are, believe them." Yesterday, the President took off the mask- and I believe him.  When he repealed Don't Ask, Don't Tell, I turned the other cheek toward economic issues.  When his administration refused to defend the Defense of Marriage Act, I chalked it up to Presidential prerogative.  But yesterday, he removed all doubt that he supports the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex couples.  My first reaction to the news was an audible gasp.  Then anger.  Then sadness.  Then grief over the fact that I can no longer support his re-election campaign.    

I was one of those "Independent Voters" who helped Obama get over the hump the first time around.   Back then, I was willing to compromise my adamant opposition to abortion-on-demand to support a pro-abortion candidate like Obama, because I thought he was clearly the better choice to lead, and the thought of Sarah Palin anywhere NEAR the White House was both hilarious and terrifying.  As an African-American, the Martin Luther King--Barack Obama narrative was also hard to resist when I watched him accept the Democratic Nomination on the forty fifth anniversary of the famous "I Have a Dream Speech."  It was "Eyes on the Prize" meets "We Shall Overcome" meets "Young Gifted and Black" meets "The Cosby Show" - a spectacular evolution of perseverance and black excellence on display for the World.   Just thinking about how I felt in that moment still gives me chills.  I volunteered as a poll-worker for his campaign during the 2008 election and felt the weight of history on my side when we realized that he'd won our polling location.  I remember the feeling of ecstatic disbelief when the networks announced his victory.  Pure joy. 

This time around, I was already gearing up to go the distance.  I've been sporting my "Obama 2012" tee-shirt for months, making plans to volunteer for the campaign and scheming to get a ticket to the 2012 Democratic convention in North Carolina.   That's all behind me now.

I believe in marriage between one man and one woman.  Period.    Despite what activists in the other camp would have you believe about the demographics of this issue, my opinion remains unchanged even when viewed through the lens of a law degree and law licenses in two states.  Access to an expensive and completely liberally-biased education and the so-called knowledge that accompanies it haven't succeeded in dampening my fervor for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and my duty to stand for Biblical principles.  I think any honest person who has actually read the Bible will acknowledge that it doesn't mince words on the issue of homosexual behavior.  It is condemned. No matter how people try to twist the Scripture or ignore its authority, on this issue the Bible is clear.  To think that people who name the name of Christ would completely ignore what the Bible has to say to not only endorse homosexual behavior, but to try to redefine the definition of marriage to affirm it is sickening.   That said, I can't support a Presidential Candidate -even the "great" Barack Obama, with whom I so vehemently disagree.

I suspect there are tough times ahead (politically) for our President.  He will continue to be in my prayers, but from a greater distance. I wish him well (personally).  As for me, there are also some tough decisions ahead- can I stomach a vote for Mitt Romney?  Highly doubtful, but time will tell.

See Obama's comments below.

 

A New Deliverance.

For those of us that love Gospel music, Helen Baylor is a legend. Her voice is the truth.  Her singing testimonial, "Praying Grandmother" is a master class in using music to enhance the effect of spoken words.  Today  CBN aired a feature about her storied career and recent struggle with prescription drugs in the wake of a health issues and painful divorce from her husband of over 30 years.  " I wanted the marriage to work, but you know what, if somebody doesn't want you, maybe you ought to see that they don't want you!" That's deep. Her story reminded me that we should never stop praying for each other because we never know what a person is going through or what they are struggling to overcome.  Baylor also shared her thoughts on the prevalence of drug addiction in the Church.

The Church is in the same shape as the World, they just don't look at us as closely. If there's something that you're dealing with, I know the Man.  I know the Man.  His name is Jesus.

She's right.  What an amazing testimony.  See the full interview below and read the CBN article here.

Get in the Game.

Timing is everything.  Last week, I had my first encounter with a life coach.  I was nervous.  Talking to a life coach is like going to counseling, without the option of blaming your parents or your husband for your personal hangups.  It was paid for by a leadership program that I'm participating in, so we only had 30 minutes.  In this scenario, the past and the present become irrelevant.  It's all about the future.

She encouraged me to write down where I want to be professionally and personally in 20 years and work my way back to 2012.  That kind of freedom to shape the future is completely liberating.  I've always known that I want to do more than practice law.  This exercise helped me to articulate my goals and begin to think through my current situation through the eyes of my future self.  Thanks life coach- for the first time in months, I am back in the game.

Just Do It.

Have you ever heard of Angela Burgin Logan?  She was interviewed today on the Tom Joyner Morning Show about her new movie, "Breathe."  The most fascinating part of her story is the fact that she and her husband spent their life savings to create a film depicting her actual near-death experience with preeclampsia and cardiomyopathy during pregnancy.  She took this horrible experience and made it her life's work to share her story with others.  I think that is an incredible example of excellence in action.  You can find her blog here. The trailer for the movie is here.  Ms. Logan, I salute you and can't wait to see your film.

Carrying the Load.

Hello Dear Readers,
Stress sucks.  But you already knew that. The last few months of my life have been full of it.  So much so that I found myself sitting in my office close to tears the other day just listening to Anna Nalick's melancholy masterpiece, "Breathe," and literally trying to follow her instructions. Innn and outtt. Innnn and outtt.   Marriage. Children. Health. Workload.  Finances. Life is suffocating sometimes.  Just... breathe.  I found myself in the lyric:

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There I sat- fighting back the tears.  After a few unwelcome interruptions from phone calls, emails, text messages and an illtimed question from my secretary, I took my burdens on the road.  To the bathroom.  You know you're stressed when you find yourself standing in a stall at work at least twice a day doing breathing exercises.  If your workplace is anything like mine, standing in the bathroom taking deep breaths can be is deeply unpleasant. At times like this,  I am thankful for seasonal allergies.  I can cry in the bathroom and then blame pollen for the red eyes.  But that's not the point of this post. 

Like I said, stress sucks.  Extreme stress can be crushing.  But perspective can make the difference between a breakdown and a breakthrough (forgive that last Oprahism-  I'm tired and need to bring this post home before I go to bed).  I found a quote that was a turning point for me.  Somewhere on some inspirational website I stumbled upon while searching the Internet, I found it: According to random sources, the great Lena Horne once said, "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it."  Thanks Lena--Well said (if she actually said it) .  Just looking at stress this way has helped tremendously. Stress will always be present, but  we can't just breathe our way through it.  At some point, we have to shift the weight of it all from our own shoulders and trust God to bear the load as he instructs us in Psalm 55:22 and 1 Peter 5:7.  So much easier said than done.  

This is an ongoing process for me.  I'll keep you posted.

Two Strides Forward, Coldstone Back.

Today I went running for the second day in a row!  Then we took the kids to Coldstone and I ordered this salted caramel--Reese's cup--graham cracker--hot fudge--workout eraser.  What started as a simple trip to McDonalds for vanilla cones turned into a detour to Coldstone for the fancy stuff.   DELICIOUS. I've already got my running shoes ready for tomorrow.

Hello!

Hello Dear Readers! This is my first post from my new iPad. I continue to break the cardinal rule of blogging-write!! I am fast approaching another point of transition in my life and I hope to tell you more soon. Really.

89 Days Later...

Hello Dear Readers,
Sweet tea and swimming parties have now been replaced with pumpkin spiced lattes and fall festivals. Almost three months have passed since our last talk. Hope you are well! First, the big news- I am now officially a licensed NC attorney! Two for two on passing the bar (NC is my second license). Most of my family and a few close friends traveled to NC to witness my swearing in ceremony- such a blessing. My youngest son turned four, had a superhero birthday party and had his tonsils removed in the space of three weeks. My oldest son started first grade, finally got his two front teeth back (after a two year absence)and learned how to vacuum. Good times. Those are the highlights- or at least all the news that's "fit to print."
I have struggled mightily with the idea of this blog- still unsure exactly what I want to do with it. For most of the last three months my failure to post has been intentional. But one day last week, after watching another unbearable episode of the new BET show "Reed Between the Lines" starring Theo Huxtable himself, I found myself drifting over to this blog for inspiration. I found it. I'm back.

More soon.

After the bar exam

Its been a long time. I'mmmm Baaaack! Hello Dear Readers, I have truly missed you. Many a day has passed that I planned to check in with an update, but alas, preparing for the bar exam is in a word, BRUTAL!!!!! ... Do you know how to apply the Rule Against Perpetuities? Who is the fertile octogenerian and why should you care? Can you recall what factors give a court personal jurisdiction over an out of state defendant? Can you recite the different standards the Supreme Court uses to analyze restrictions on commercial speech, core political speech, symbolic speech, nonpublic forum speech, public forum speech, public employee speech etc.? If you sign a contract to buy a house, and it is struck by lightning and destroyed before closing, who is on the hook- you or the seller?

Ok, ok- here's an easy one. What are the nine types of marital misconduct that the court will consider in awarding alimony? Does Grandma have a right to demand visitation with your kids? Can you set up a trust for your cat? Can a lawyer lend a client money to buy milk for their starving baby? Can you shoot an intruder who enters your house? If so- what doctrine is your defense and what crime did they commit? If the President signs a treaty and Congress passes a law to overrule it, who wins under the Constitution? What does the Constitution actually say, anyway? Finally, what are the three ways you can be charged with first degree murder in North Carolina?

This is just a very small sample of the information that has been carefully catalogued in my mind over the last three months. [Side note: if any of you have seen the movie, "Limitless" you realize what great potential now rests within the recesses of my brain. If you haven't seen it, you should. Great film.] The bar exam covers 14 subjects over two days in the format of 12 essays and 200 excruciating multiple choice questions. It is truly an endurance test. Even though I've been through this before in another state, it wasn't any easier the second time around.  It has been almost a week, and I'm still coming down from the experience.

I'm sitting in the library as I type this post. The last hoop I must jump through to gain my license is to sit for the the multistate ethics exam this Friday. It is a relatively minor feat compared to the bar exam, but just hard enough that failure to prepare equals failure.

I hope you have all been well.  Thanks so much for letting me ramble- especially if you've made it this far into this post.  It's good to be back.  Excellence is deliberate- Amen to that!

Inspirations:)

Hello Dear Readers!! Sorry for the prolonged absence. Strep throat (both kids at different times). Work deadlines. Marriage tune up. Bar Exam Prep. Life. Sometimes life just catches up to you. I hope to start writing more soon. Lots to share.
I'm home with two sicks and I popped in today to share a video with you about a little girl that is doing exactly what I aspire for my boys to do. Excellence is deliberate. Take a look.





P.S. I found a Chinese tutor for the boys. She starts next month. Now I just have to find a tutor who speaks French, Spanish, Arabic and Russian. Know anyone?! This video inspired me to keep looking.

A moment of Understanding.

Chinese character for "Love"

Yesterday my oldest son participated in a Chinese character recitation contest at his Chinese school. He had to go before three adult judges alone and correctly identify at least 50 characters using the appropriate Chinese tone. We practiced for several weeks, but I honestly wasn't able to help him with many of the words because my American ears have difficulty hearing the slight differences in tone that are critical in spoken Mandarin. About two weeks ago I realized that we weren't going to master everything so I switched to an emphasis on doing his best.

The car ride to school was nerve wracking for all of us because my son announced that he was "scared" and that he didn't want to go. Then he told my husband that his heart was beating really fast. Nerves. I felt so bad for him because this was the first time that he had to step into a evaluative situation without complete mastery. My husband prayed that God would give him courage and peace about the contest.

The situation got more tense when we arrived and found his teacher drilling the class on the pronunciation of each word without mercy. I'm 35 and I was nervous. I snapped at the teenage teaching assistant when he told my son, "This is easy. You would know these if you practiced. This list is a lot easier than all the other classes (for older students)." I immediately told him that it isn't easy when you don't come from a Chinese speaking family and informed him that we had been practicing. I really wanted to SLAP him right in the face.

Just when my son was about to short circuit from the stress, the judges came in and called his name to go first. My brave little six year old walked alone into another room where three adults were seated at a table. He sat down in the fourth chair and they drilled him for 60 seconds to see how many characters he knew. As I watched through a cracked door, I suddenly knew how my mom must have felt before all those piano recitals and track meets that I put her and my dad through as a child. Knowing that I was scared. Knowing that I wasn't guaranteed to finish first or play a song perfectly. Knowing that I didn't want to do it, yet willing me to finish. I had a true moment of understanding.

My baby finished the contest and exited the room with his head held high. I have NEVER been prouder of him. That was the greatest test of his character that he has ever faced, and his courage inspired me.

After the class I thanked his teacher for working with him and told her that he had been very concerned before the contest. She told me that he is doing very well and reminded me that it is much more difficult for a child to pick up Mandarin (or any language) without someone in the home that speaks it. My son is the only non-Asian in his class and most of the students A) have Mandarin speaking parents, and B) Are 2 or more years older than him. He is hanging with these kids on a weekly basis. Excellence is deliberate.

I learned later that my three year old also had a contest in his class- they had to recite numbers and identify colors. He knew it from watching me work with his older brother. Excellence is not only deliberate- it's contagious.

Next up for my global citizens- a tutor. It's time to get serious about this thing.

I hope you all are doing well and not using as much Zyrtec in your neck of the woods as we are!

Talk to you soon. Have a great week.

Hello:)

I can't believe it has been two weeks since I last posted! Wow. In a word, BUSY. In another word, TIRED. I really hit the ground running with my new job and after a couple days of orientation, the pace picked up exponentially. I am still getting adjusted to the firm and trying to figure out how to manage my other responsibilities responsibly. I have been too tired to write much on the blog (mostly because I have spent most of my free time in the evenings doing projects for work or trying to handle other business that can't be done during the day). As things stabilize, I will write more. Promise. Have a great week if you don't hear from me...

Weekly Report

Well, this is no way to grow a blog! Dear readers, I am still making the adjustment to my new job. I've gone from a job where leaving at 4 was "staying late" to a career where getting home at 7 means I still have several hours of work to do. BIG CHANGE. This weekend, I was so exhausted that I spent most of the day Saturday in bed surrounded by my kiddies.

Speaking of the kiddies, this has also been a big change for them. Keep them in your prayers- it has been hard explaining to them why I can't pick them up anymore or take them to school most days because I have to go to work early. Strategically, I took this job because I wanted to be able to do more for them. I hold on to that knowledge when I question this commitment. I pray that once the dust settles, I can find a balance that works for everyone.

Speaking of balance, I have come to the realization that I need help. I am currently putting ads on Craigslist and asking around for a good daily babysitter, and a part-time cook and housekeeper. When I'm home, I want to be mommy. Not stressed about preparing dinner or trying to mop the kitchen floor. I used to consider these things pretentious. Now I consider them the cost of doing business.

The good news- I really like this job. My coworkers seem like smart, down to earth people and the work (so far) is interesting. My goal is to become a great attorney. I believe that I have found the right firm to achieve it.

Excellence is deliberate and life is about balance. Those are the themes of this blog and I hope to be able to write more often once my schedule stabilizes (and I don't have to spend my evening hours writing briefs and doing research).

Have a great week!

One Week Down....

Hello Dear Readers!
I made it through my first week!  I have been too pooped to keep you updated, but hopefully, that will change as I adjust to my new schedule. This blog is definitely under construction- most of which takes place inside my head.  I am giving a great deal of thought to the direction I'd like to take in the coming months as I adjust to the new job, prepare for the Bar,  and generally try to budget my limited time in the evenings between family life, "home-work" and me time.  The good news is that I am more excited about this blog than ever and I have great expectations for its growth over the coming months.  The challenging part will be making it happen. Please bear with me while I make some adjustments that may require me to limit posting for awhile.  Know that the blog is always in my thoughts and I would LOVE to hear from you whenever you feel like leaving a comment.

Excellence is Deliberate-  I know that now more than ever.

Take care!

My First Day of Work

 Today was my first official day of work.  I spent it in training at another office.

1. Blue suit and pearls.  CHECK.
2. Three and a half hours of individual computer training on fascinating subjects like how to use email and save documents. CHECK.
3. One hour lunch/ pep-talk with partners and local restaurant. CHECK.
4. Two hour tour of firm library and lecture on how to save money doing online research. (Access to certain databases is up to $24.00 per minute) CHECK.
5. Ten minute introduction/welcome to firm conversation with Managing Partner.
6. Thirty minute presentation on short/long term disability benefits. CHECK.
7. One hour of awkward introductory banter with random attorneys/staffers/passersby at every doorway and cubicle in the place. CHECK.
8. Five minute trip to the bathroom to enjoy a snickers bar in peace. CHECK.

Day one is in the books. I survived:)
Tomorrow I get to do it all over again in the office where I will actually work.

This Blog is Still Active (in case your were wondering)

In a word ... BUSY.  I never thought two weeks would pass before I would make time to update this blog.  Sorry for the delay. Here's a quick update on things I coulda/shoulda/would've been blogging about since we last spoke:

On the Mommy Front:

• My oldest son turned SIX.  Major milestone for our family.  My baby is six!!  I only have 12 more years to get him ready for the world.  He also came in first place in the poetry category of a Spanish contest at his school and played Abraham Lincoln in the Kindergarten production of "America. "  Two more proud mommy moments.
• We found a new pre-school for my youngest son. Honestly, it is almost criminal what a difference money can make when it comes to educational opportunities for our children.  NIGHT and DAY.  We thank God for his current school, because they were there when we needed them and they were all we could afford.  I will always be grateful for the care they have shown both our boys and the understanding they have shown us when we needed it.  But I am so glad that he will be moving on to a school instead of a "day care" in the near future. 

On the Career Front:

• I wrapped up my old job and said my goodbyes. Not sure what to make of the fact that more of my coworkers told me they were jealous than happy for me. In the end, several folks really came through with sweet parting gifts and well wishes and my exit interview was basically an open invitation to return anytime. 
• I officially submitted my application to sit for the July 2011 Bar Exam!!  This accomplishment single handedly monopolized 80% of my non-work time since I last posted on this blog.   The application itself is over 50 pages long and basically requires detailed information about every aspect of my life except my (non-mental) medical history.  I had to provide more than 20 names of references and none of them could be former supervisors.  Driving records. Transcripts. Fingerprints.  Certificates of Good Standing from other jurisdictions where I am licensed.  Old bar application. BRUTAL.   Passing the Bar Exam is the centerpiece of my career goals for 2011, so this is the first of  many posts on the subject.

That's a quick update.  I'm sitting here full of nervous energy because tomorrow is my first day of work at the new gig.  Excited? Yes.  Nervous? A little.  Eager? Of course.  If I'm not too pooped at the end of it all, I'll report back tomorrow with an update.

Excellence is Deliberate!