The Month in Review- January 2011 Edition

Image courtesy of handheldmuseum.com

January 2011 is almost officially in the books. This is the time of year when most of us begin to reclassify our bold resolutions as mere goals for the year ahead.  "I will exercise every day" turns into, "I will lose 10 pounds."  One is action oriented, the other is aspirational.

My overarching theme these year is "Excellence is Deliberate."  That means that in every area of my life where excellence is desired, my actions must be intentional.  Here's a quick update on this month's progress toward my goals.


On the financial front:  I started a 12 week Financial Freedom class at a local church that provides an excellent overview on topics like debt management, budgeting, insurance, investing, retirement planning and more.  I have already updated several of our insurance needs and begun the painful task of facing our financial situation realistically.  My goal for February is to meet in person with a financial expert for some specific advice on our situation.

On the career front:  It has now been 21 days since my final interview for a job I have been pursuing for the last seven months.  I just got an email  yesterday requesting further information. Getting this job has become a crucial ingredient in our recipe for financial success in 2011. I know that they have NO IDEA how badly I need this position.   Sometimes in moments of doubt (usually when funds are short), I imagine my coffee stained  resume crumpled in the corner of the managing partner's desk while he discusses everything but an offer with my name on it.  He's probably sitting there talking about the Super Bowl right now. UGH. 

My head is telling me to just shake it off and start actively pursuing job opportunities elsewhere again. My heart is saying, just stick it out a few more weeks.  My finances are demanding that I do both.  Fortunately, I updated several versions of my resume this month so I can begin to immediately start seeking other opportunities this week.

On the Blog front:  First of all, thanks for reading!!  I am starting to see an increase in blog traffic and it's always great to hear from readers through comments. Please take the time to comment on any and every post!! In January I finally realized the cathartic power of blogging through my life experiences.  There is much more to come.  This past weekend I spent several hours exploring interesting blogs around the web.  One of my favorites is bloggingforbranding.com.  It is authored by a young black woman named Rosetta Thurman who is also the creator of a  cool blog called happyblackwoman.com.  Both blogs are well written and provide great information and inspiration for the blogging novice and/or budding entrepreneur.  I love the fact that Ms. Thurman quit her job in 2009 to start a consulting business and she hasn't looked back since.  Awesome!!!     I have signed up to take her 31 days to a brand new blog challenge starting February 1, 2011.  Stay tuned for big improvements:)

Gotta run,

Rethinking Segregation as a Bad Word...

Today I had a great conversation with a friend about the unique educational challenges facing black children today.  We agreed to begin meeting on a regular basis to provide enrichment opportunities in math, science and cultural awareness for our children.  I am so excited!

Later, I saw the following story online and thought I'd share it with you.




I think they're on to something with the idea of pairing black mentors with black kids.  One of the most frustrating aspects of my oldest son's current school is that there is ZERO racial diversity among the staff.  The only black adult faces he sees all day are the janitorial crew that clean the school at the end of the day.  There are also no male teachers- honestly, I am OK with that at the kindergarten level.  I am going to begin searching for the research in support of a single sex, single race environment for black students- particularly males.   If there was a school with that demographic profile near me, I would enroll my son in a heartbeat. I have no fear that he will be unable to engage other cultures. Here is a link to a charter school in Illinois that I admire called Urban Prep.

To read more of my thoughts on education click here and here for previous posts.

Excellence is Deliberate! I believe that and so should you.

Until next time,

In his own words

Dear Reader,
I am watching the President give the State of the Union as I type this.  He just said something that should have brought every parent to their feet.

It's family that first instills the love of learning in a child. Only parents can make sure the TV is turned off and homework gets done. We need to teach our kids that it's not just the winner of the Super Bowl who deserves to be celebrated, but the winner of the science fair; that success is not a function of fame or PR, but of hard work and discipline.

Thanks for telling the truth Mr. President. Parents first.  The last part of the quote about success is crucial for all of us to embrace in the current culture of shallow stupidity that allows shows like, "Jersey Shore" and "Housewives of (ATL, NY, Beverly Hills etc.)" to distract us from real thought.

To read a transcript of tonight's speech, click here.

Living the Dream...

Hello Dear Readers! I just wanted to stop in and let you know that I just registered to take the Jeopardy! online test. This is the first step in qualifying to become a contestant on Jeopardy! My kids and I watch this show every day and I really do consider it a great opportunity for them to learn interesting information and practice thinking on their feet. They can already answer a few questions every week. I would love to appear on Jeopardy! I'd probably end up with a negative score, but you only live once (on this side of eternity) right?!! If you have any interest in taking the test, it is offered online on February 8, 2011 at 8 p.m. EST. Click here for more details and let me know if you'll be testing with me:)

Have a great week!

The Waiting Game

Sitting atop my priority list for 2011 is finding a new job.  As I see it, there are pretty much four stages in the job search process:

• 1) Finding out about the job opening; 
• 2) Getting the interview;
• 3) Surviving the Interview process; and
• 4) Closure (Waiting for the offer)

In my current situation, a phone call last summer from someone in my network allowed me to cruise through stages one and two quickly.  Literally overnight.  Stage three proved a more lengthy process.  Over the last six months I  endured five separate interview sessions with over two dozen people. My final interview took place eleven days ago.  At that time, I was informed that "things look good " and my candidacy would now have to survive three committee meetings (recruiting, management and partnership) before a final offer could be extended.  The estimated time for an answer was approximately two weeks. So now I wait in stage four.

To pass the time, I have tried to move some of my job search"eggs" to other baskets- last week I had two interviews for a completely different position. Although the company seemed fun, at this stage in my financial life, I can't afford to take a job for pay that makes my current government salary look like executive compensation. I should have known there was a red flag when the hiring manager had to stop at his CUBICLE to grab the pre-printed interview questions on our way to the conference room. In that instance, stages 1-4 (including my rejection of the offer) took roughly three days to complete.

Eleven days and counting... 

I'm preparing to follow up on Monday.  I keep telling myself (and everyone around me) that I'm not counting on an offer.  I wish that were true.  Securing this job will open up crucial financial doors and allow me to begin building my legal career in our current city.  At this point, I'd just like to get a final answer so I can move on.

The waiting game is difficult.  I am reminded of a favorite passage of scripture from Proverbs 3:5  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."  I am also reminded of Ecclesiastes 7:8 "The end of a matter is better than its beginning and patience is better than pride."  Amen.

Are you waiting for anything, dear readers?  Let's try to learn patience together.  Please say a prayer for me if you read this post before I post an update!

Don't Forget the Lyrics

This morning I heard a Jill Scott song, Gotta Get Up, that perfectly summarized my mindset at the time. Jill sings, "I don't wanna go to work today-- I'd rather stay home and play...I'd rather chill for real-- I don't know how you feel--but sometimes I feel like I'm --Working for nothing, tryin' to get sumthin' --  Everywhere I turn there's a bill standing out--swim the river climb the hill--Complacency you ain't gone get me no no no no" (To view lyrics and hear the song click here.)

I sat there listening to this song at work and became one with every line.  Music is amazing that way. It has the power to perfectly capture an emotion or tell a story that can bring complete strangers together like old friends.  The power of a great song is its ability to articulate a state of mind in a way that spoken words cannot.  

Here's a sample list of a few other songs that have formed the soundtrack of my adult life at various stages.  The lyrics of all of these songs spoke directly to something I was feeling or a situation I was living through at the time I first heard them and were tremendously therapeutic to listen to repeatedly.  In my embrace of these songs, I became the artist and not just a listener.


It Ain't Over by Maurette Brown Clark
Great is Thy Faithfulness by Fernando Ortega
Beautiful Flower by India Arie
Focus by Brandy
I Decided by Liv Warfield
Fear by Jazmine Sullivan (This one has a few lyrics that I didn't agree with but I could definitely relate to the general theme)
I Can't Make You Love Me by Bonnie Raitt
The Stand by Kristian Stanfill
Your Name by Paul Baloche
My Life by Mary J. Blige

This is just a short sample list. There are obviously many others but I chose these few because I really connected with the lyrics

What songs have moved you?

A Goldfish Story

Much has been written about the love between a boy and his dog. This story is about the genuine bond between a boy and his fish.

A refrigerator portrait of Fighter and Woody. This was drawn just days before their tragic demise.

My oldest son loves fish the way most five year old boys love super heroes.  After viewing Finding Nemo for the first time at age four, he became obsessed with the ocean, the lake near our (then) home and any living creatures that make their home in water.  It seemed like the natural progression on his path toward a career in marine biology to purchase his first goldfish for his fifth birthday.

It was a glorious occasion.  Picture our entire family peering into a 50 gallon tank with about 1000 goldfish while my son pointed out the exact fish he wanted and demanded that the pet store worker catch it. He never waivered, despite her efforts to convince him to select one of the slow movers she was able to easily scoop into the net.  After several failed attempts, when finally caught, my son's fish jumped out of the net and flopped around on the counter to avoid capture. In that moment, his name was set, "Let's call him, 'Fighter' mommy, because he fought to be free!" And so our journey with "Fighter" began.

Fighter started out in a bowl, but we soon realized that a small tank with a filter would be a better choice.  Each day my son gazed at Fighter for long intervals and wondered aloud about what he might be thinking or what his life would be like in a pond. My three year old also had questions of his own, like how many toys can I stuff in his tank when mommy's not looking?

Through it all, Fighter swam on and played his role as our pet goldfish flawlessly.  Unlike many goldfish, Fighter was a unique silver color with black markings. Whenever my oldest son approached his tank, he swam happily around with the zeal of  a trained dolphin at Sea World.  Each morning, my son reminded us to feed him and marveled at his appetite. Over time, Fighter grew and we decided to upgrade his living quarters again.  We purchased a 10 gallon tank for Christmas 2010 and decided to bring him home a little tank buddy.

Fighter's first few days in his new home were a joy to watch.  He swam back and forth constantly and zipped around the fluorescent colored plastic plants at top speed.  My son was thrilled! Unfortunately, his new tank mate brought more than the "variety" we had hoped for to our pet collection.  From almost the beginning, "Woody" the goldfish just didn't seem to quite fit in. He didn't swim much, didn't leave the bottom of the tank and never quite had any spunk. Probably because he was carrying a deadly disease and was already sick.

About a week after moving into the new tank with Woody, Fighter started swimming less and hanging out on the bottom more.  Then he started gasping for air at the top of the tank in a vertical position for most of the day.  I didn't think much of it because I noticed that he still swam back and forth normally at night. Woody just hid behind a plant all day and we labeled him "the shy one."  The end was near, but we didn't know it.

On Wednesday,  my son awoke to discover that Woody was no longer at the bottom of the tank.  He had died during the night and been sucked onto the filter. My first thought was whether I still had my receipt to go get a replacement.  Woody was a typical orange goldfish that could easily be substituted by any pet store. While I pondered that thought, my husband flushed Woody to his final resting place and my oldest son wailed. Too late to replace Woody.   I looked at Fighter and knew the countdown for his demise had begun because he was clearly not well.

Fighter held on for two more days- living up to his name with each frail breath.  After searching the Internet for answers, we purchased a fish antibiotic and added it to the tank water with a prayer.  We finally decided to cover his tank because watching him suffer was too distressing for my son (and for me too-ugh).  Every time I thought we had finally lost him, he mustered up the strength to wiggle just enough to avoid the net transport to the bathroom. Finally, my husband couldn't take it anymore and he flushed him on Friday during his lunch break.  Time of death is unknown because he hadn't quite gotten there when he reached his final flush.  After hearing that part of the story, I closed the lid of the toilet and flushed it about three times as soon as the kids and I returned home from school.  The loss of a fish is traumatizing enough without seeing him floating in the toilet after you get the news. (My son still won't use that toilet because he witnessed Woody's flushing)

My son took the news as expected- hard.  He is processing the loss of Fighter and Woody and asking a lot of questions about death and sickness.We did our own version of  a memorial service/ celebration of life on Sunday. Cake plus ice cream and singing silly songs about our pet fish. It seemed to help.

Now that a few days have passed, the requests for future pets have begun.  My youngest son has already put in his vote for a dog. (!)  Life goes on, and I'm sure our pet family will expand again. But none of us will ever forget the love we witnessed between a boy and his first fish.

Talk to you soon!

The week in review

So I'm sitting alone in Panera contemplating my progress thus far in 2011. It is an unseasonably warm Sunday afternoon in my neck of the woods so I decided to head out for a few moments to collect my thoughts while hubby and the kids grill dinner.  As usual, so much to say, so little time to say it.

A lot has happened in the last week:

• I had three job interviews for two jobs. (yea!)  That experience is worth its own post so I'll save the commentary for later...
• I faced the HARD reality that getting financially fit this year is going to be much more difficult than losing those 10 extra holiday pounds. I have committed to taking a 13 week financial freedom class at a local church. BRUTAL.  I heard a presentation on compounding interest last week that was so depressing because nothing he said was new to me yet my failure to act on it has already cost six figures worth of future savings.  I remember hearing that same talk when I first started working- back when I thought I had forever to save.  My 22 year old self  sat smugly in a room full of shell shocked older colleagues that had almost visible time clocks ticking over their heads and I arrogantly pitied their lack of preparation.  Ironically, at 35, I was the cautionary tale our instructor used to show the importance of saving early. Painful.  [Dear Reader, if you don't know what compounding interest is, stop reading this post and click here to find out!!!!!!!!)  Today's lesson on insurance coverage was no less eye opening. My first call tomorrow is going to be to Allstate...
• Our family lost both of our pet goldfish to a tank virus that we are still trying to figure out.  The loss was devastating for my oldest son.  Now that I think about it, that experience is worth its own post too so stay tuned.
• I realized for the 999,999,999 time that marriage is hard.  That experience is probably worth several posts, but I digress...
• I watched the return episode of The Game along with 7.7 million other people.  The hoopla surrounding its return to tv made me think about the lack of work for black actors on television and in film.   In one of the promos, the actor Pooch Hall, "Derwin Davis" looks at the camera and earnestly says to the viewers, "If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have a job."  Dude was dead serious and very grateful. I think urban (black) viewers are desperate to watch something besides the (opposite of funny) TBS Tyler Perry lineup.  I feel sorry for the cast of those shows because the material is so beneath their talent but I guess they are happy to work period.  The new Ice Cube (un)comedy, Are We There Yet? promises to drop the standard set by Tyler Perry to a new low.  I am very glad to see the Game back and I hope it will be a great vehicle to showcase the real talent of its cast.   I also hope it will open the door for more shows featuring black actors. Speaking of opening the door, I also watched the premier of Oprah's OWN network  My review: It is basically a combo of Lifetime and TLC and about as interesting.  
• My three year old started his journey toward fluency in Mandarin by enrolling in the same school my five year old attends. Exciting!!!!!! Definitely worth a post.
• I reminded myself that excellence is deliberate and so should you.

That's my week in a nutshell, dear readers.  What did you do this week?  What are your goals for 2011?  Let's walk through this journey together.  Looking forward to your thoughts.

Gotta run, I'm sure the family is looking for me now.

Excellence is Deliberate.

From the moment I gave birth to my first son, I have purposely infused his worldview with a steady diet of great expectations: "You can be President!"  "You can learn multiple foreign languages!"  "You can aim for the toilet and not for the wall!"  All the while I have struggled to execute these great expectations in the area of fulfilling my own potential.

About two years ago, I heard a message in church about raising Godly children.  To paraphrase, the pastor said simply, "You raise who you are, not what you say."  In other words, our children learn more about how to live their lives from the way we model behavior than from the character lessons we attempt to instill intellectually.  So true. In many aspects I am my mother. In the way I raise my children, in the way I think about the world around me, and even in the way I physically carry myself including my speaking voice.  Certainly, in other significant ways I am my own woman, but the core of who I am started with who my parents showed me I could be.  As the parent of two exceptional little boys, that thought is both exciting and terrifying.  God gave me two blank slates and one of my deepest fears is that I will somehow "mess them up" and ruin their potential because of my failings as a mother.

In 2011 (and beyond) I am raising the bar. Stepping up my game. Starting with the (wo)man in the mirror... and every other cliche that signifies a commitment to excellence.  The truth is, excellence is deliberate.  A life worth noting never happens by accident. Think about that. Let it sink in and repeat it to yourself.  EXCELLENCE IS DELIBERATE. 

That commitment to excellence is what this blog is all about;  A chronicle of my journey to strive for excellence in my faith, my family, my career and my community.  If you have made it this far through this post, I know that you are committed to the same thing in your own life, on your own terms.  It is my desire that you will take this journey with me and invite others along the way.

Old School...

New School...

So why now?  This is the first year in at least the last five years that I have no plans or (likely) possibility of a move.  I am finally able to put down roots in a community and make long(er) term plans for my family life, career and community involvement. That is HUGE!

Phase one of my plan, stabilize our finances and transition from a job mentality to career building mindset.  Let the financial management classes and career networking begin!

Happy New Year dear readers!  Let's make it a great one together.