Saturday, October 30, 2010

Five Things that Renew My Faith in Humanity

I am deeply troubled by the lack of civility that has become commonplace in our culture. Television. Radio. Internet. There is no escape from the barrage of sarcasm, insults and crude negativity that now permeate our collective attitude about our fellow man. All is not lost.  I present you with five everyday happenings that renew my faith in humanity...
  1. People who let you cut them in line in the supermarket because you have less items than they do.
  2. People who wave their hand to say thank-you when they merge in front of you in traffic.
  3. Watching a line of cars part like the Red Sea to allow an ambulance pass through in an emergency.
  4. Encountering children, especially teenagers, who address adults as sir and maam.
  5. Finding unexpired coupons on the shelf in the grocery store that were "paid forward" by another shopper who couldn't use them.
I'll have to keep thinking on this one and add to it as I go...


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Today I Dream

In my experience, there are three essential steps to initiate change:  1) Dream that it can happen (allow your mind to conceive that it could happen).  2) Formulate the plan (confront the reality of how it can happen).  3)  Execute the plan (take action to make it happen).  Although I could write at length about all three steps, today I feel like dreaming.

I love dreams because they are not limited by my current circumstances or the boundaries of reality. In my freest moments, I allow my mind to consider possibilities that practicality ultimately overrides. What if I had another five children and homeschooled them all to Harvard? What if I started a school for black boys that combined high academic standards with christian character education to produce a generation of Godly leaders? What if we could find a way to generate enough income so that our family could spend several years abroad and my kids could truly become fluent in multiple languages? What if I became a bestselling author and got to walk the red carpet on Oscar night when my novel became a celebrated film?  What if I actually ran and finished a full marathon? The beauty of a dream is that the only scrutiny it must withstand is the limits of my own imagination. It belongs to me.  I can choose to share it with others or cherish it privately in moments when my sense of purpose is uncertain. Today I sat down and wrote out an updated playlist of the current dreams that constantly loop in my brain when I need an escape.   Here they are in no particular order:
  • Start a butterfly garden
  • Start a real garden (with food....)
  • Learn to play guitar
  • Play piano again and develop my skills to the level that they were in high school
  • Write a song and record it with my own voice 
  • Become debt free
  • Write a novel and publish it
  • Write a screenplay based on said novel and see it produced into a feature film
  • Memorize several biblical passages in the old and new testament and teach them to my kids
  • Earn enough as a freelance writer to work from home and build my schedule around our family
  • Run a marathon (starting with 10k, and 1/2 marathon )
  • Live abroad long enough for my sons to become fluent in all six official languages of the U.N.
  • Become fluent in Mandarin and Spanish
  • Go on a vacation with my husband alone
  • Become debt free
  • Take our children on a whale watch to see orca whales in their natural habitat
  • Take our children on an African safari
  • Visit all 50 states and each continent at least once by the time my oldest child graduates from high school
  • Have at least one daughter:)  (I would love twin girls)
  • Become debt free (This one repeats itself because realizing this dream is the gateway to realizing so many of the others)
  • Introduce my sons to Barack Obama
  • Introduce my mom to Barack Obama
  • Introduce myself to Michelle Obama 
  • Meet: Maya Angelou, Bill Cosby, Phylicia Rashad, Condoleezza Rice, Robin Roberts, India Arie, Marva Collins, Ce Ce Winans, and James Dobson.
  • Send homemade cookies and a note of appreciation to all of the people I care about at least once
  • Go to an Olympic Games
  • Start a children's clothing line for boys
  • Start a school for black boys like Urban Prep in Chicago
  • Find a place within the pro-life movement
  • Become an amateur photographer
  • Become an expert in something.
   That's the short list.  My goal is to check in with this list after the new year and give an update on any progress.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I am not my hair - the kiddy version



I am all about anything that honors black hair and acceptance of our natural beauty.  I just discovered this video today and thought it was cute.  It already has over 400,000 views on youtube. I would love to watch it with my nieces and see their reaction. Tomorrow I will show it to my sons and see if they have anything to say about it.

Monday, October 18, 2010

You Know it's Election Season When You Hear...

As the 2010 Midterm election draws near, I find myself growing ever more weary of hearing the same tired political cliches.  Here are a few of the most tiresome and their actual translations:

1) What they say ...I am the candidate of change.
What they should say... "In 2-4-6 years, you will want to get rid of me too."

2) What they say ..."Washington is broken."
What they should admit..."It won't be fixed if I get elected."

3) What they say ... "I am not a Washington insider..."
How they should finish that sentence... "yet."

4) What they preach ... "I am going to fight the special interests."
What they practice... "except for the ones that fund my political campaign."

5)  What they claim ... "I want to create jobs and help small businesses."
What they should say... "and blame the other party if it doesn't happen."

6) What they say ... My opponent is "extreme"
What they should say... "My opponent actually has a strongly held conviction or a novel idea that they are willing to stick to.  I prefer to waffle in the middle and am fooling no one."

7) What they proclaim... "I'm proud to be an American."
What they imply ... "Unless you agree with me, you hate this country."

8) What they say ... "I believe in family values."
What they mean ... "I want the christian vote."

9) What they say... "I am a progressive."
What they mean... "I want the homosexual vote."


And last but not least...


10) What they say...  "I want to work across the aisle to end the gridlock in Washington."
What they should say... "I am already writing my concession speech now because this outdated idea went out in 2008 after the election of Obama."

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A Word of Encouragement



Dear Mr. President,
I know you are a busy man, but the beauty of the internet is that even a fledgling blog by an unknown writer can be stumbled upon by the most powerful man in the world.  My parents' generation would've reminded me that you put your pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.  Likewise, today I remind myself that you surf the internet just like the rest of us. So I will write this post as if you will actually read it. Because maybe you will:)

This will not be a critique of your actions as President or a list of phony suggestions to avoid the round of musical chairs that is predicted to leave the Democrats in the unfortunate position as the last ones standing on November 2.  I won't pretend to have anything new to say on the subject that you can't hear ten times a day on MSNBC, Fox News or The View.  I am a voter without allegiance to either major party and I like it that way.  I've voted in three Presidential elections and have always come out on the winning side. Although there have been many times that I have questioned or flat out disagreed with your decisions, I still greatly admire and respect you as a person and have been saddened to see what a difference two years can make in the fortunes of a President.(Full disclosure--I also felt bad for GWB toward the end.)

Consider this post to be a friendly word of encouragement from a stranger who cares.     I taught the poem below to my oldest son last year when he was four.  I prayed that the time we invested in that process would yield priceless returns to him through the years when these words shaped his internal response to life's adversity.  At the time I thought the poem was for him, but I now know that God wanted me to internalize its message as well.  Don't Quit. It takes a second to say, but a lifetime to live out.

Although my life is challenging, I can't begin to comprehend the toll that our current political climate has taken on you and your family.   Please don't quit, Mr. President.  You are the hero of my generation, the answered prayer of my parents' generation and the historical baseline for my children's generation. But more important than that, you are an involved black husband and father which makes you part of a team that can't afford to lose any of its members:)    Keep fighting the good fight.  Those of us who really care will support you when you're right and respectfully let you know when you're wrong.   None of us can predict the future: Two years from now the pendulum may swing back in the other direction. Or not.

In the meantime, all you have is today, so be encouraged, Mr. President.   I'll be praying for you.
  

                                 Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown


Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Booklover

I love to read. A lot.  As I type this I have 60 books checked out from the local library and plans to go back for more.  Through the years, I've always found libraries and bookstores comforting because they both offer an endless array of mental escape routes from my rather ordinary everyday life.  For free.  (I've never spent time alone in a bookstore without skim reading at least one or two books and magazines that I didn't purchase.)

Aside from the children's titles that I keep stocked like literary carrot sticks for the healthy development of my children's minds, I would divide my book list into three categories: 1) Books for pure enjoyment. These are books that caught my eye because they are written by a beloved author or because I surfed through a couple of pages and found something special in the author's writing style. These are typically fiction but can be lighthearted non-fiction or tell all biographies.  2) Books I aspire to learn from. These are usually a bit more scholarly and I don't typically read them cover to cover.  I tend to keep these books checked out for the longest period of time because I keep telling myself that one day I will be in the mood to actually sit down and read them.  These are the kind of books that are great to draw quotes from when I want to appear well read and remind folks that I didn't graduate from a top tier law school by accident. 3) Self-help books on whatever topic is on my radar at the moment.  I usually check out numerous books in this category and then end up skimming most of them until one offers advice that actually sticks.  They are like the library's version of impulse buys at the grocery store- I go to the shelf looking for just one title and check out everything on the subject thinking it's a better deal. It usually isn't.


All in all, I probably read about 60% of the books I check out from the library and skim through another 25%.  The rest are tossed aside because they should have never made the cut in the first place or I just simply run out of time and don't feel like renewing them.    Below is a sampling of my current reading list. I have spent time reading all of the books listed within the past week:

  • The BAP handbook by Kalyn Johnson, Tracey Lewis, Karla Lightfoot & Ginger Wilson (A light and fluffy read that caught my eye because I saw some elements of myself in it.)
  • A Full Quiver, by Rick and Jan Hess (Recommended to me by --of all people-- my gynecologist after a discussion on birth control.  The premise is that you should let God decide how many children is right for your family.)
  • Woe Is I by Patricia T. O'Connor (Entertaining grammar reference/refresher.)
  • Start Where You Are by Chris Gardner (MY CURRENT FAVORITE- I have checked out multiple times and I keep it for inspiration.)
  • 102 Ways to earn Money Writing 1500 Words or Less by L.J. Schecter  (some helpful tips)
  • His Word in My Heart by Janet Pope (great book about the importance of memorizing scripture. My family is currently working on the 103 Psalm.)
  • Red Hot Manogamy, by Bill and Pam Farrell  (Christian sex- it's a good thing!)
  • No Plot? No Problem by Chris Baty (Well-written book about how to overcome the fear of writing a novel. )
  • Friendship for Grown-ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way by Lisa Whelchel ( I skimmed through most of this book and found it mostly an opportunity for the author to confess her imperfections. I like the fact that reading it made me think more deeply about the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I need.)
This is just a small sampling of what  I am reading right now. I haven't read any fiction lately. I also have numerous books on budgeting money and getting out of debt, writing, blogging, and parenting.  Perhaps I'll share a new list next week.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Congratulations Ursula Burns!

Forbes Magazine just released its annual list of the world's 100 most powerful women. For many observers, the biggest story is the fact that our nation's First Lady tops the list. Let me pause for a moment for mild albeit sincere applause. A respectable nod (with a promise to briefly reserve judgment) also goes to Oprah and Beyonce for being the only other black women to crack the top 10. But a round of applause- preferable in the standing position- must go out to the woman who graces the list at number 20, Ursula Burns.

My perspective comes in part from being a New York black lady, in part from being an engineer. I know I'm smart and have opinions worth being heard. Ursula Burns

Never heard of her? Neither had I until today. Burns is the CEO of Xerox and is the first black woman to ever head a fortune 500 company. She is married with two children. Note to anyone still doubting that wearing truly NATURAL hair is compatible with a professional image, please see Burns' picture above. Doesn't she look like someone that goes to your church?! I love that. For more on her inspiring story click here.

To gain some perspective on this accomplishment, Burns ranked higher than two of the three female U.S. Supreme Court Justices, Elena Kagen (25) and Ruth Bader Ginsburg (31). She also beat out the Queen of England! THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND (41).  I am duly impressed.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The REAL Dancing With the Stars

I saw this video on a kindred blog called blackandmarriedwithkids.com and immediately called my husband over to watch it with me. What a treasure. I love how this church chose to tastefully celebrate the passionate side of marriage at every stage of life. Our marriage is more than our children. Easy to say, but in this busy world, it can be hard to put into practice. When I went to youtube to download this video, I saw that it has already had over 242,000 views since it was posted in August! See the video below.



Monday, October 4, 2010

Father of the Year, James Jones.


Back in the day when parents still took their role in the family seriously, and having a father in the home was not seen as a noteworthy accomplishment, the idea of a black father going into warrior mode (when needed) to protect his children was seen as a necessary part of his job description. Not so today. Today's expectations have plummeted so far within society in general and black folk in particular, that most people gladly congratulate the black father for just showing up. Excuses abound. And note to the media-watching President Obama kiss his daughters a couple of times a year doesn't even begin to balance out the constant barrage of stories portraying the black father as a deadbeat, abuser or flat out loser. However, this morning I saw the story of a black father who, while wrong in his approach, got caught doing something right.


They were poking me with pencils, calling me outside my name and condoms were being thrown on the bus.  Chatari Jones

On September 2, James Jones learned from his precious 12 year old daughter, Chatari, that she had been bullied on the school bus by several boys. Chatari has cerebal palsy and she has already missed a year of school due to health concerns. Mr. Jones was understandably upset and he decided to accompany his daughter on the bus the following day to speak to the driver. While waiting at the bus stop the next day to speak to the driver, Mr. Jones became furious  when he saw the chaos on the bus as it pulled up twenty minutes late.. Mr. Jones stormed onto the bus in warrior mode and directed a profanity laced tirade toward his daughter's tormenters. He was later arrested and charged with disorderly conduct which might bring jail time.
Mr. Jones and Chatari appeared on this morning's Today Show along with his wife, Deborah, and the family attorney, Natalie Jackson.
Father and daughter both spoke through tears as they recounted the pain this situation has caused their family. Mr. Jones said it best,  

I am just an average dad protecting his daughter and that's it.  James Jones

Chatari had to be hospitalized after the bus incident and hasn't returned to school since. As a parent, I don't condone Mr. Jones' actions, but as a parent, I understand.  Every child deserves a parent that is willing to go to war literally and figuratively for their protection. Everyone (including Mr. Jones) knows that the situation should have been handled through the proper bureaucratic channels. But given the circumstances, and the complete lack of order on the bus, Mr. Jones' misguided approach inspires more admiration than condemnation from this blogger.
See the video here.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Being Broke: This too shall pass

Dear Self (my most devoted reader),
As you know, I have spent much of the last two weeks reflecting on the difference between being poor and being broke. Truthfully, when our bank balance fell so low that we were happy each day just to stay above zero, the distinction between poor and broke seemed merely semantic. Suddenly, waiting to get paid at the end of the month felt like holding my breath in the middle of the ocean and each day without money was like another hour treading water. Payday began on an emotional high that quickly dropped off into a depressing realization that the bills we just paid were yesterday's debts. Each dollar paid was one step closer to the end of the plank that sent us back to another month trying to keep our heads above water to avoid drowning.
That said, with a quick glance at recent economic news to confirm that it could be MUCH worse, and the help of the Lord reminding me to trust in him, I have come to the grateful realization that we are broke and not poor. Being poor is a state of mind that translates into a belief that your current lack of resources is a permanent condition. Being broke is simply a description of your current circumstances that can be viewed as a temporary condition that can change. This too shall pass.