Merry Christmas!

Dear Readers,
December has flown by and I must admit that I am still working on consistently updating this blog when my life in the real world gets busy! Once again I have so much to say and so little time to say it.  Christmas 2010 was a wonder. For the first time in my 35 years, I did not make the pilgrimage to my hometown to spend Christmas with my family.  Instead, my husband and I were determined to begin our own Christmas traditions with our boys.  I spent the day watching a marathon of The Christmas Story, listening to a mix CD of great Christmas classics like Silent Night by the Temptations and Let it Snow by Boyz to Men, telling our children the biblical Christmas story, preparing a delicious Christmas meal, loving on my hubby and enjoying family time.  In a word, AMAZING.  The look on my five year old's face when he opened his favorite gift was worth every day of financial struggle we have faced this year. The sound of my three year old's laughter as he ran through the house will always be with me when I remember this Christmas.  The icing on the cake was a Skype chat with my family that was almost as good as seeing them all in person.  What a day.  I thank God for allowing us to have such a wonderful day of joyful memories.  I hope you and yours had a Merry Christmas 2010! Talk to you again soon.

Happy Birthday to Me:)

Today I celebrated my 35th birthday! So many feelings, so little time to share them tonight.  I will think on it and post more tomorrow.  In the meantime, I have been pondering the story of my life lately and thinking on who I would want to play the principal roles.  These initial selections are based in part on the personality of the actor and appearance.

Young Clair- played by Anika Noni Rose.  I love the way she carries herself, there is a vague physical resemblance and she can SANG! My life story might need to be told as a musical:)

Hubby- played by Dennis Haysburt (The black guy from the Allstate commercials).  Strength, dignity and style. Plus there is some physical resemblance:)

My Mom- this was a hard one.  My mom has a special persona that could not be captured by just anyone.  After consulting with her, we decided that Loretta Devine could do the job.  There isn't much physical resemblance, but I think Ms. Devine could capture my mom's mannerisms and ways.

My Dad- another tough one.  I haven't settled on an actor yet, but I'd give Fred Hammond an audition for physical resemblance reasons.

My Children- At this point, they could play themselves in the movie:)

OK, enough random thoughts.  Only 23 minutes of birthday left. Time to find hubby and finish it with a bang! Literally;)

Kitchen Cred: Five recipes I am trying to master

This morning I made a traditional breakfast for my family of blueberry pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs. I must admit, cooking a meal that is well received always boosts my confidence in my credentials as a wife and mother. As I watched my five year old eat his second helping of pancakes, I came up with a list of five recipes that I would like to perfect to secure my place in the minds of my husband and children as a true master of home cooking.

1) Pancakes.  Still working on the recipe- my goal is to figure out what IHOP does and copy that.  My pancakes still tend to be too heavy and doughy for my taste.  I want them to be light, slightly sweet and delicious.  I might as well work on waffles while I'm at it.

2) Turkey and the fixins.  I have only prepared one turkey in my life.  It was dry and only slightly flavorful.  This one will require practice during the off season (times other than Thanksgiving) to perfect.  I also need to settle on a recipe for Greens, Macaroni and Cheese, and potato salad.  The cool thing about side dishes is that every family has their own tastes, so I just have to perfect them for the taste buds of my household. 

3) Chocolate Chip cookies.  I feel pretty confident with my current recipe and it already wins rave reviews from my family members. My next goal is to memorize it and be able to throw it together at will.

4) Pound cake/ birthday cake.  Cake has never been my strong suit in any form.  My mom makes the best pound cake, but I have never been able to duplicate her recipe.  I will continue to practice.  I'd also like to be able to make a delicious yellow or chocolate flavored cake for birthdays without relying on Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker.

5)  Baked pork chops or chicken breasts.  Every time I make a baked piece of boneless meat, there is at least a 50% chance that I will overcook it until it's dry.  When a pork chop is baked right, it's delicious and succulent.  When it's cooked wrong, it's like seasoned rawhide.  This one is just a matter of technique- I am confident that I will figure it out.

Let me know if you have any recipes you are currently trying to perfect.  What recipes do you remember most fondly from your mother's kitchen?  I love my mom's Oven fried chicken, pound cake and macaroni and cheese.  I also love the way she makes fried eggs:)

Ten pounds to Lose.

Today I wore a suit to work that I haven't been able to fit into in over three years.  That probably sounds like good news until I tell you that the last time I wore this suit I was pregnant with my youngest son. In fact, between you and me, it is still missing the button that popped off toward the end of my first trimester:)  This non-maternity suit was purchased during my "camouflage" phase to serve as a clever disguise until I broke out in my Motherhood Maternity gear during trimester two.

That said, it should be obvious that without pregnancy as a scapegoat, my ability to wear this suit is not a good thing. Let the running begin.  I started last week and am proud to say that I have already pushed through the first  few days of achy muscles and fatigue.  My goal is to get back to running five miles 4-5 times a week.  Right now I am winded after the one mile lap around my neighborhood. My, what a difference a few months of no exercise and junk food can make. I realize that perhaps this isn't the best time of year to embark on a weight loss quest;Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas are all formidable foes to anyone trying to stick to a healthy diet.  (Curse you Halloween- the cheap candy sales that followed your holiday are what got me into this mess in the first place... !)

I've got ten pounds to lose, one run at a time. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.  Until then, I'll be revisiting my old "pre" maternity wardrobe that I hope one day to wear again for its original purpose.

Game Changer?

Yesterday, in the midst of a conversation with my five year old son about his school friends, I asked him to bring me his class picture so that I could connect faces with names.  After pointing to a few people, he looked at me and asked which kid I thought was the cutest.  I immediately pointed to his picture (of course) and had my three year old respond to the same question to confirm my assessment. My son looked up at me and said, "I'm not the cutest. I don't like the way I look."  As the hair stood up on the back of my neck, I asked him what he didn't like about his looks and he looked at me and said, "my skin, my eyes, ... everything."  I knew where the conversation was headed, but decided to make him go all the way there.  "What's wrong with your skin?" I asked.  ""You have the same brown skin as mommy. Don't you like our color?" His response, "Yes..errrr ... no. I want to be lighter."  I wanted to scream, cry and throw up in that instant.

Over the next few minutes, I probed gently and listened as my precious, intelligent, cute as a button, five year old black son told me that he is tired of being different.  In his words, "I am tired of only having 3 brown people in my class. Everyone else is white."   I had noted this fact very early on in the school year and been grateful that he had one other black boy in his class.  (I have never met the third little girl and truthfully, her racial makeup is not immediately apparent from the school picture.)   There is one other black boy in all of the school's four kindergarten classes.  He also told me repeatedly that he wanted to have more "brown people" to play with at school.

This conversation was deeply painful for me because I agonized for months over where to place my son for kindergarten, in part for this very reason.  I home schooled him for about a year when he was four and only gave up on that idea when it became apparent that I had to return to work for financial reasons.  One of my greatest concerns as the parent of two black males is how to balance their educational opportunities between exposure to a significant level of diversity and access to the best academic environment.  Generally I have found that the two tend to be somewhat mutually exclusive.  The most academically renowned private and charter schools generally tend to have very low diversity.  Equally troubling is that even the "best" public schools typically have jaw dropping achievement gaps when you factor in the performance of their black student population as compared to the whole.  We chose my son's charter school  because the performance among black students on end of grade testing was on par with their white counterparts in most areas. To me that demonstrated a climate of high expectations for ALL students and was an indicator that my son would be held to (and receive support in achieving) a higher academic standard. 

Dear Reader, I must admit that my son's confession shook me.  I wonder now more than ever- are my husband and I doing the right thing in terms of his education? How can we affirm his "blackness" in a way that allows him to enter a school with zero black authority figures and a 95% white student population with confidence and a sense of belonging? Should I try to find a school with more diversity and sacrifice some of the academic rigor? Should I revisit the home school option and believe God that He will work out the financial details? Should we keep attending an all black church so that he can be exposed to his peers in that environment? How do other black parents deal with this balancing act?


The scary thing about parenthood is that time only moves in one direction and you don't get a second chance to raise your children.  Sometimes I look at my son and pray that I don't "mess him up" because I see such great potential in his innocent eyes.

Is this a gamechanger?  What would you do?  How do you achieve a balance if your children have encountered this issue?

Looking forward to reading some comments on this one...

Thanksgiving Weekend

All good things must (usually) come to an end and so goes Thanksgiving weekend.  Four days of fried turkey, red velvet cake, banana pudding, and no work in the morning.  Ahhhh....I haven't posted in over a week and I have so much to share.  I hope you had a blessed Thanksgiving 2010. I had the wonderful pleasure of spending Thanksgiving with dear friends who treated our family like royalty for two days and blessed us with delicious food and heartfelt hospitality.  Awesome.  We put up the Christmas Tree and stockings today and our home is already filled with holiday cheer.

Sorry I've been gone for so long. This time off has given me a great deal to think about and much more to say. Hope to share deeper thoughts very soon.

The Card Says it All.

Yesterday my 5 year old son greeted me with this card when I came home from work. It instantly became my favorite work of art.  We will laugh about this when he wins the National Spelling Bee;)

A Call to Arms!! Black Parents, It's Time to Grab a Mirror and Stop Waiting for Superman.

Say what you want to about the Tea Party -- You can question their motives, criticize their candidates and poke holes in their agenda-- But one thing you can't do is ignore their effectiveness.  They saw something they didn't like and mobilized to change it.  It's time to get organized black parents.  
This post is a call to arms.
Seriously.
I read a study today that first saddened, then enraged, then inspired me.  I hope it will do the same for you. The study was published by The Council of the Great City Schools, a consortium of urban public school systems from around the country. The subject: academic underachievement among black males.   If you are the parent of a young black male, YOU MUST READ the recently published Call for Change study. If you are not the parent of a young black male but know someone who is, YOU MUST READ this study and pass it along to someone else.  Oh, and if you are the parent or know the parent of a young black female, you are not off the hook.  YOU MUST READ this study because what it says about our daughters isn't any more promising. Put simply, the word CRISIS is now an understatement.
  
Some context...
Yes, we've all heard the hoopla in recent weeks surrounding the new Bill Gates backed Waiting for Superman documentary.  You know the one that everyone from Oprah, to President Obama, has been touting as a "call to action" for our country?  The one that laments the fact that U.S. students are now ranked a lowly 25th in math among 30 of the world's developed countries.  The one that points out the shocking statistic that by fourth grade, 68% of public school students scored below a proficient reading level in 2009. The one that blames the public school bureaucracy for pretty much everything.  Well, if you're a black parent and you thought things were bad, perhaps you should sit down. It gets MUCH worse.

First let's look in the MIRROR:

• In 2009, only 11% of black boys in 4th grade performed at or above PROFICIENT levels in reading. (Students attended public schools in cities with populations of 250,000 or more)
• In my hometown of Cleveland, OH, only 3% --That's right--THREE measly PERCENT of 4th grade black males scored at or above proficient levels. UGHHHHHHHH!

Think it's just a financial issue? WRONG...Read on:

• In 2009, black male 4th graders NOT eligible for free or reduced priced lunch (based on income) had reading and mathematics scores similar to or lower than white males who WERE eligible for free or reduced priced lunch (based on income).  About 21% in each group performed at or above proficient levels. 
• By 8th grade,  the achievement gap between this same group widened to six points in favor of white males.     

Can't blame economic disadvantage for that.

That's pretty bad, but here's the real slap in the face. Brace yourself and read on:

•  In 2009, black males WITHOUT disabilities performed worse than white males WITH disabilities! Only 13% of non-disabled black male 4th graders compared to 17% of disabled white male 4th graders performed at or above proficient levels in reading.

These stats are just the tip of a very big, immensely depressing, iceberg of negative data on the state of academic underachievement among black boys.  The study also looks at many other enlightening data points including some demographic insight into what's left of the black family unit,  high school and post-secondary achievement and earning potential as adults.  It's all related and it's not pretty.

I read this study today, all 106 pages of it. And I was ready.  With each dismal statistic, my will to be part of the solution grew stronger.   But when I read the "Plan of Action and Recommendations" conclusion, I realized (with anger) that the study authors in their "scholarly wisdom" had once again let me and every other black parent off the hook. Not one of the recommendations asks black parents to do ANYTHING differently (much like the Wait for Superman, blame the system approach). The word, "parent", isn't even mentioned.  That is sickening. Our babies are failing at epidemic rates, and we have no obligation to change the outcome? Ridiculous.

Let's Do Something About It.
Black parents, we need to pick up the mirror and face the fact that the blame for our children's failure starts and ends with us. Not the school. Not white racism. Not cultural bias. US!  We need to take ownership of success of our next generation like our ancestors did and our counterparts in other races still do. Realize that the schools can't and shouldn't have to do it all.  

I am fired up and ready to start a movement of black parents ready to return our children to excellence.  Our black boys are too precious to leave in the hands of anyone else. If you're ready to take some responsibility, please jump in.

Dear Reader, I crave your thoughts and prayers on this issue.  It has been near to my heart since the birth of my first son and for some time I have felt that God has a purpose for me that includes helping black boys to achieve. I am still seeking God for exactly what this purpose looks like, but I know that it starts with raising our two sons to be high achieving, Godly, men of character.

Stay tuned, this is a call to arms!!




P.S.  Don't forget to read the study for yourself to fully understand the populations of students examined- there are some significant nuances that I didn't get into here.  Also, the first nine pages are an Executive Summary that lays out the parameters of the data examined and includes every data point separated by bullets.  The rest of the study is mostly graphs illustrating the data.

Some Election Results That You Probably Haven't Seen

Now that the "shellacking" of the Democrats is old news, I thought you might enjoy a few recent election results that you probably didn't hear about or either MSNBC or FOX.  Black politicians are still making history around the globe and right here in the U.S. Here are a few notable results:

Look Mom, There ARE Black Republicans...
The Republican wave in Congress swept in two new black congressmen, Tim Scott of South Carolina, and Allen West of Florida.   Both men will be the first black Republicans to serve in Congress since J.C. Watts retired in 2003. Both men also made history as the first black Republicans elected to Congress from their states in over 100 years.  Both men also ran with the blessing of the Tea Party and Sarah Palin.  They joined a wave of black Republicans on the ballot this year. According to ABC news, this year 42 blacks ran for the Republican nomination for House seats, and 14 of them won the nomination. For an interesting story on the recent surge in black Republican candidates, click here.   For a look at all of the black Republican candidates who ran this year click here.

Allen West

Tim Scott

Allen West is a decorated army veteran who will serve Florida's 22nd District in the Boca Raton area. Tim Scott is a business man who won in the 1st congressional district where white voters outnumber blacks 3 to 1.  For a comparison of these two candidates, click here.

Around the Globe...

In July 2010, Russia elected its first black politician (at any level), Jean Gregoire Sagbo. 

Russian Councilor Jean Gregoire Sagbo

 
A native of the West African Country of Benin, Sagbo migrated to the Soviet Union in 1982.  He was elected as one of 10 Municipal Councilors in the town of Novozavidovo.   Sagbo's election is particularly remarkable given Russia's notorious culture of racism. See video of Mr. Sagbo below.





In October 2010, the country of Slovenia elected Europe's first black mayor, Peter Bossman, a Ghanian physician.

Mayor Peter Bossman

According to Bossman, "I think that people don't see me as a black man. They see me as a good man, as a doctor and the racial question really didn't came into play here."

Congrats to all the winners.

I Voted Today

I voted today.
Not with the exuberant expectation I felt in 2008.
Not with the civic duty I felt in 2006.
Not even with the cautious optimism that I felt in 2004 and 2000.

Today I voted with about the same level of enthusiasm that I experienced the last time took my son to the doctor.  For shots.  Voting this year was a painful obligation. I have never been so torn.  If this election were just about the candidates on the ballot, my choices would have been easier.  But for the past six months, I have been constantly reminded by the political pundits that EVERY race- no matter how local, is actually a referendum on the President himself.  I hate that.

My relationship with our President is quite complicated. On a personal level, I love him, his wife, his daughters and even his mother-in-law.  I relate to them like no other Presidential family and would be highly honored to shake any one of their hands and invite them to my home for dinner.   I take personal offense whenever I hear people question his citizenship, his religion, or his patriotism.  Thank God he graduated at the top of his class from Harvard Law School or I'd have to take offense every time some C student pundit questioned that too. I take even more offense at the suggestion that he is so "different" from past presidents, that "most" Americans can't "relate" to him, and that he doesn't "connect" with the electorate. I think those comments stem from the discomfort felt by many because of his race.  I buy my children books and tee-shirts about the President, because I feel a certain level of reverence for him as a historic figure.

That  said, I recognize that my true relationship to President Obama is first and foremost as a voter to a politician.  I have never forgotten that my personal pride in his great accomplishments must be separated from my responsibility to vote for candidates that best reflect my political agenda. I am a social conservative and I don't appreciate the values I hold dear being portrayed by most Democrats (including the President) as extreme.  I am not fooled by local Democrats hiding behind the endorsement of President Obama to claim that they deserve the African American vote when their actions have not shown any more concern for my community than their Republican opponents.  I am disgusted that someone with such questionable credentials as Sarah Palin is now running the Republican party.  (I am equally annoyed that her rhythmless "teen activist" daughter is still a contestant on Dancing With the Stars)  I watched the debates of my state candidates for Senate hoping that one of them would say something meaningful. It didn't happen. Both claimed to be the candidate of "change." (Where have I heard that one before?)  I watched the attack ads that my Democratic Congressional incumbent ran against his Republican challenger with disgust because it was obvious that they were intended to distort and not inform.    The one Congressional candidate that I actually liked was not running to represent my district.

In the end, I split the vote and halfheartedly took my "I voted" sticker with the same bittersweet reluctance my son shows when he is offered a sticker reward after a painful succession of shots.  Yes, I voted today. But I'm not happy about it no matter who wins this election.

Say What?

The first time I saw this commercial I turned the channel and immediately informed my children that this kind of behavior is completely unacceptable.  This child has the nerve to call his parents lame!  I went to the Toyota channel on youtube  to find out how to complain and saw that most of the comments posted there had the same sentiment.  I also saw that this ad is only one of several offensive commercials featuring this character.  In each commercial he obnoxiously refers to his parents as "dorks" or "lame" and sarcastically ridicules them. How dare Toyota portray a child showing such disrespect for his parents in a commercial for a product aimed at families!! Not cute.

I also submitted a formal complaint on Toyota's main website in the customer help/contact us section.  Click this link if you would like to submit your own complaint. It will take about five minutes to set up an account and then you can leave your complaint.  I selected "website" as my area of concern and also pointed out that I am a current owner.  I'll get back to you if Toyota bothers to respond.

Five Things that Renew My Faith in Humanity

I am deeply troubled by the lack of civility that has become commonplace in our culture. Television. Radio. Internet. There is no escape from the barrage of sarcasm, insults and crude negativity that now permeate our collective attitude about our fellow man. All is not lost.  I present you with five everyday happenings that renew my faith in humanity...

1. People who let you cut them in line in the supermarket because you have less items than they do.
2. People who wave their hand to say thank-you when they merge in front of you in traffic.
3. Watching a line of cars part like the Red Sea to allow an ambulance pass through in an emergency.
4. Encountering children, especially teenagers, who address adults as sir and maam.
5. Finding unexpired coupons on the shelf in the grocery store that were "paid forward" by another shopper who couldn't use them.

I'll have to keep thinking on this one and add to it as I go...

Today I Dream

In my experience, there are three essential steps to initiate change:  1) Dream that it can happen (allow your mind to conceive that it could happen).  2) Formulate the plan (confront the reality of how it can happen).  3)  Execute the plan (take action to make it happen).  Although I could write at length about all three steps, today I feel like dreaming.

I love dreams because they are not limited by my current circumstances or the boundaries of reality. In my freest moments, I allow my mind to consider possibilities that practicality ultimately overrides. What if I had another five children and homeschooled them all to Harvard? What if I started a school for black boys that combined high academic standards with christian character education to produce a generation of Godly leaders? What if we could find a way to generate enough income so that our family could spend several years abroad and my kids could truly become fluent in multiple languages? What if I became a bestselling author and got to walk the red carpet on Oscar night when my novel became a celebrated film?  What if I actually ran and finished a full marathon? The beauty of a dream is that the only scrutiny it must withstand is the limits of my own imagination. It belongs to me.  I can choose to share it with others or cherish it privately in moments when my sense of purpose is uncertain. Today I sat down and wrote out an updated playlist of the current dreams that constantly loop in my brain when I need an escape.   Here they are in no particular order:

• Start a butterfly garden
• Start a real garden (with food....)
• Learn to play guitar
• Play piano again and develop my skills to the level that they were in high school
• Write a song and record it with my own voice 
• Become debt free
• Write a novel and publish it
• Write a screenplay based on said novel and see it produced into a feature film
• Memorize several biblical passages in the old and new testament and teach them to my kids
• Earn enough as a freelance writer to work from home and build my schedule around our family
• Run a marathon (starting with 10k, and 1/2 marathon )
• Live abroad long enough for my sons to become fluent in all six official languages of the U.N.
• Become fluent in Mandarin and Spanish
• Go on a vacation with my husband alone
• Become debt free
• Take our children on a whale watch to see orca whales in their natural habitat
• Take our children on an African safari
• Visit all 50 states and each continent at least once by the time my oldest child graduates from high school
• Have at least one daughter:)  (I would love twin girls)
• Become debt free (This one repeats itself because realizing this dream is the gateway to realizing so many of the others)
• Introduce my sons to Barack Obama
• Introduce my mom to Barack Obama
• Introduce myself to Michelle Obama 
• Meet: Maya Angelou, Bill Cosby, Phylicia Rashad, Condoleezza Rice, Robin Roberts, India Arie, Marva Collins, Ce Ce Winans, and James Dobson.
• Send homemade cookies and a note of appreciation to all of the people I care about at least once
• Go to an Olympic Games
• Start a children's clothing line for boys
• Start a school for black boys like Urban Prep in Chicago
• Find a place within the pro-life movement
• Become an amateur photographer
• Become an expert in something.

   That's the short list.  My goal is to check in with this list after the new year and give an update on any progress.

I am not my hair - the kiddy version

I am all about anything that honors black hair and acceptance of our natural beauty.  I just discovered this video today and thought it was cute.  It already has over 400,000 views on youtube. I would love to watch it with my nieces and see their reaction. Tomorrow I will show it to my sons and see if they have anything to say about it.

You Know it's Election Season When You Hear...

As the 2010 Midterm election draws near, I find myself growing ever more weary of hearing the same tired political cliches.  Here are a few of the most tiresome and their actual translations:

1) What they say ...I am the candidate of change.
What they should say... "In 2-4-6 years, you will want to get rid of me too."

2) What they say ..."Washington is broken."
What they should admit..."It won't be fixed if I get elected."

3) What they say ... "I am not a Washington insider..."
How they should finish that sentence... "yet."

4) What they preach ... "I am going to fight the special interests."
What they practice... "except for the ones that fund my political campaign."

5)  What they claim ... "I want to create jobs and help small businesses."
What they should say... "and blame the other party if it doesn't happen."

6) What they say ... My opponent is "extreme"
What they should say... "My opponent actually has a strongly held conviction or a novel idea that they are willing to stick to.  I prefer to waffle in the middle and am fooling no one."

7) What they proclaim... "I'm proud to be an American."
What they imply ... "Unless you agree with me, you hate this country."

8) What they say ... "I believe in family values."
What they mean ... "I want the christian vote."

9) What they say... "I am a progressive."
What they mean... "I want the homosexual vote."


And last but not least...


10) What they say...  "I want to work across the aisle to end the gridlock in Washington."
What they should say... "I am already writing my concession speech now because this outdated idea went out in 2008 after the election of Obama."

A Word of Encouragement

Dear Mr. President,
I know you are a busy man, but the beauty of the internet is that even a fledgling blog by an unknown writer can be stumbled upon by the most powerful man in the world.  My parents' generation would've reminded me that you put your pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.  Likewise, today I remind myself that you surf the internet just like the rest of us. So I will write this post as if you will actually read it. Because maybe you will:)

This will not be a critique of your actions as President or a list of phony suggestions to avoid the round of musical chairs that is predicted to leave the Democrats in the unfortunate position as the last ones standing on November 2.  I won't pretend to have anything new to say on the subject that you can't hear ten times a day on MSNBC, Fox News or The View.  I am a voter without allegiance to either major party and I like it that way.  I've voted in three Presidential elections and have always come out on the winning side. Although there have been many times that I have questioned or flat out disagreed with your decisions, I still greatly admire and respect you as a person and have been saddened to see what a difference two years can make in the fortunes of a President.(Full disclosure--I also felt bad for GWB toward the end.)

Consider this post to be a friendly word of encouragement from a stranger who cares.     I taught the poem below to my oldest son last year when he was four.  I prayed that the time we invested in that process would yield priceless returns to him through the years when these words shaped his internal response to life's adversity.  At the time I thought the poem was for him, but I now know that God wanted me to internalize its message as well.  Don't Quit. It takes a second to say, but a lifetime to live out.

Although my life is challenging, I can't begin to comprehend the toll that our current political climate has taken on you and your family.   Please don't quit, Mr. President.  You are the hero of my generation, the answered prayer of my parents' generation and the historical baseline for my children's generation. But more important than that, you are an involved black husband and father which makes you part of a team that can't afford to lose any of its members:)    Keep fighting the good fight.  Those of us who really care will support you when you're right and respectfully let you know when you're wrong.   None of us can predict the future: Two years from now the pendulum may swing back in the other direction. Or not.

In the meantime, all you have is today, so be encouraged, Mr. President.   I'll be praying for you.
  

                                 Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
- Author unknown

The Booklover

I love to read. A lot.  As I type this I have 60 books checked out from the local library and plans to go back for more.  Through the years, I've always found libraries and bookstores comforting because they both offer an endless array of mental escape routes from my rather ordinary everyday life.  For free.  (I've never spent time alone in a bookstore without skim reading at least one or two books and magazines that I didn't purchase.)

Aside from the children's titles that I keep stocked like literary carrot sticks for the healthy development of my children's minds, I would divide my book list into three categories: 1) Books for pure enjoyment. These are books that caught my eye because they are written by a beloved author or because I surfed through a couple of pages and found something special in the author's writing style. These are typically fiction but can be lighthearted non-fiction or tell all biographies.  2) Books I aspire to learn from. These are usually a bit more scholarly and I don't typically read them cover to cover.  I tend to keep these books checked out for the longest period of time because I keep telling myself that one day I will be in the mood to actually sit down and read them.  These are the kind of books that are great to draw quotes from when I want to appear well read and remind folks that I didn't graduate from a top tier law school by accident. 3) Self-help books on whatever topic is on my radar at the moment.  I usually check out numerous books in this category and then end up skimming most of them until one offers advice that actually sticks.  They are like the library's version of impulse buys at the grocery store- I go to the shelf looking for just one title and check out everything on the subject thinking it's a better deal. It usually isn't.


All in all, I probably read about 60% of the books I check out from the library and skim through another 25%.  The rest are tossed aside because they should have never made the cut in the first place or I just simply run out of time and don't feel like renewing them.    Below is a sampling of my current reading list. I have spent time reading all of the books listed within the past week:

• The BAP handbook by Kalyn Johnson, Tracey Lewis, Karla Lightfoot & Ginger Wilson (A light and fluffy read that caught my eye because I saw some elements of myself in it.)
• A Full Quiver, by Rick and Jan Hess (Recommended to me by --of all people-- my gynecologist after a discussion on birth control.  The premise is that you should let God decide how many children is right for your family.)
• Woe Is I by Patricia T. O'Connor (Entertaining grammar reference/refresher.)
• Start Where You Are by Chris Gardner (MY CURRENT FAVORITE- I have checked out multiple times and I keep it for inspiration.)
• 102 Ways to earn Money Writing 1500 Words or Less by L.J. Schecter  (some helpful tips)
• His Word in My Heart by Janet Pope (great book about the importance of memorizing scripture. My family is currently working on the 103 Psalm.)
• Red Hot Manogamy, by Bill and Pam Farrell  (Christian sex- it's a good thing!)
• No Plot? No Problem by Chris Baty (Well-written book about how to overcome the fear of writing a novel. )
• Friendship for Grown-ups: What I Missed and Learned Along the Way by Lisa Whelchel ( I skimmed through most of this book and found it mostly an opportunity for the author to confess her imperfections. I like the fact that reading it made me think more deeply about the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I need.)

This is just a small sampling of what  I am reading right now. I haven't read any fiction lately. I also have numerous books on budgeting money and getting out of debt, writing, blogging, and parenting.  Perhaps I'll share a new list next week.

Congratulations Ursula Burns!

Forbes Magazine just released its annual list of the world's 100 most powerful women. For many observers, the biggest story is the fact that our nation's First Lady tops the list. Let me pause for a moment for mild albeit sincere applause. A respectable nod (with a promise to briefly reserve judgment) also goes to Oprah and Beyonce for being the only other black women to crack the top 10. But a round of applause- preferable in the standing position- must go out to the woman who graces the list at number 20, Ursula Burns.

My perspective comes in part from being a New York black lady, in part from being an engineer. I know I'm smart and have opinions worth being heard. Ursula Burns

Never heard of her? Neither had I until today. Burns is the CEO of Xerox and is the first black woman to ever head a fortune 500 company. She is married with two children. Note to anyone still doubting that wearing truly NATURAL hair is compatible with a professional image, please see Burns' picture above. Doesn't she look like someone that goes to your church?! I love that. For more on her inspiring story click here.

To gain some perspective on this accomplishment, Burns ranked higher than two of the three female U.S. Supreme Court Justices, Elena Kagen (25) and Ruth Bader Ginsburg (31). She also beat out the Queen of England! THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND (41).  I am duly impressed.

The REAL Dancing With the Stars

I saw this video on a kindred blog called blackandmarriedwithkids.com and immediately called my husband over to watch it with me. What a treasure. I love how this church chose to tastefully celebrate the passionate side of marriage at every stage of life. Our marriage is more than our children. Easy to say, but in this busy world, it can be hard to put into practice. When I went to youtube to download this video, I saw that it has already had over 242,000 views since it was posted in August! See the video below.

Father of the Year, James Jones.

Back in the day when parents still took their role in the family seriously, and having a father in the home was not seen as a noteworthy accomplishment, the idea of a black father going into warrior mode (when needed) to protect his children was seen as a necessary part of his job description. Not so today. Today's expectations have plummeted so far within society in general and black folk in particular, that most people gladly congratulate the black father for just showing up. Excuses abound. And note to the media-watching President Obama kiss his daughters a couple of times a year doesn't even begin to balance out the constant barrage of stories portraying the black father as a deadbeat, abuser or flat out loser. However, this morning I saw the story of a black father who, while wrong in his approach, got caught doing something right.

They were poking me with pencils, calling me outside my name and condoms were being thrown on the bus.  Chatari Jones

On September 2, James Jones learned from his precious 12 year old daughter, Chatari, that she had been bullied on the school bus by several boys. Chatari has cerebal palsy and she has already missed a year of school due to health concerns. Mr. Jones was understandably upset and he decided to accompany his daughter on the bus the following day to speak to the driver. While waiting at the bus stop the next day to speak to the driver, Mr. Jones became furious  when he saw the chaos on the bus as it pulled up twenty minutes late.. Mr. Jones stormed onto the bus in warrior mode and directed a profanity laced tirade toward his daughter's tormenters. He was later arrested and charged with disorderly conduct which might bring jail time.
Mr. Jones and Chatari appeared on this morning's Today Show along with his wife, Deborah, and the family attorney, Natalie Jackson.
Father and daughter both spoke through tears as they recounted the pain this situation has caused their family. Mr. Jones said it best,  

I am just an average dad protecting his daughter and that's it.  James Jones

Chatari had to be hospitalized after the bus incident and hasn't returned to school since. As a parent, I don't condone Mr. Jones' actions, but as a parent, I understand.  Every child deserves a parent that is willing to go to war literally and figuratively for their protection. Everyone (including Mr. Jones) knows that the situation should have been handled through the proper bureaucratic channels. But given the circumstances, and the complete lack of order on the bus, Mr. Jones' misguided approach inspires more admiration than condemnation from this blogger.
See the video here.

Being Broke: This too shall pass

Dear Self (my most devoted reader),
As you know, I have spent much of the last two weeks reflecting on the difference between being poor and being broke. Truthfully, when our bank balance fell so low that we were happy each day just to stay above zero, the distinction between poor and broke seemed merely semantic. Suddenly, waiting to get paid at the end of the month felt like holding my breath in the middle of the ocean and each day without money was like another hour treading water. Payday began on an emotional high that quickly dropped off into a depressing realization that the bills we just paid were yesterday's debts. Each dollar paid was one step closer to the end of the plank that sent us back to another month trying to keep our heads above water to avoid drowning.
That said, with a quick glance at recent economic news to confirm that it could be MUCH worse, and the help of the Lord reminding me to trust in him, I have come to the grateful realization that we are broke and not poor. Being poor is a state of mind that translates into a belief that your current lack of resources is a permanent condition. Being broke is simply a description of your current circumstances that can be viewed as a temporary condition that can change. This too shall pass.

Writer's Block.

Less than two weeks in to the blogging life and I've already broken the cardinal rule: Write. Write. Write. In the time since my last entry, I've had at least one seemingly brilliant idea each day, but by the time I started typing and editing the post in Word, my mind had moved on to something else. So tonight I write. Not to produce anything witty or memorable, but to conquer the overwhelming feelings of self-doubt that creep in whenever I click on the link to open a new post. I haven't even told anyone else that this blog exists. It's almost like a secret diary that I have intentionally left on the kitchen table in the hopes that someone discovers it without my introduction. Dear Reader (if you exist), thanks for stopping in.

(BMW) Black Married Woman

One of the key pillars of the Huxtable Driven Life is the desire for a passionate marriage. At its core, The Cosby Show was a love story between Cliff and Clair Huxtable and a testament to the happily ever after ideal that we all aspire to on our wedding day. Rather than degrading each other for laughs, or worse, becoming the punch lines for a house full of sarcastic children, Cliff and Clair were portrayed as a couple in control of their home and still madly in love after years of marriage. Lest the viewer believe that they were an anomaly, over the course of the show we were treated to more loving examples of committed marriages in the storylines that explore both of their parents and the adult relationships of their children. Cliff and Clair wee more than friends, intellectual equals, and great parents; they were first and foremost zealous lovers enjoyed nothing more than listening to jazz and allowing the viewer to draw obvious conclusions about the ultimate result of their g-rated kisses on the living room couch.

I have been married for 8 years. Instead of kissing on the couch with a jazz serenade, we have mostly settled for quick pecks in the kitchen while music from my children’s favorite kiddy show temporarily disables their CB radar with mesmerizing nonsense. Not very romantic.

I went to church the other night to attend a marriage seminar presented by my pastor and his wife. During a session on intimacy in which the pastor met with all of the wives alone, he introduced a new term that stuck with me. “BMW- Black Married Woman”- sadly, these days we are even more rare than the car by the same name. Statistically, 45% of us have never been married. In fact, from 1950 to 2002, the percentage of married black women nosedived from 62% to 31%. Instead of congratulating us for beating the odds, his message was sobering, “there is always someone ready and willing to take your man- and they will if you let them.”

Hearing this blunt truth from a man (of God no less!) was like being shaken awake out of a deep sleep after ignoring a blaring alarm clock for hours. I’d heard it all before, but suddenly I was paying attention. He lectured all of us on the importance of passion in marriage and used an iceberg analogy to explain his point. According to his illustration, BMWs are like an iceberg- above the surface we often have little flash, but below the surface we have great depth that reveals our intelligence, character, and overall worth as a woman. On the contrary, there are many women who sacrifice depth for superficial flash and they float through life trying to catch the eye of any man who can be distracted. They promise everything up front, with none of the strings that ultimately earned the ring on the BMWs finger. Unfortunately for the BMW, a man’s eye is always open and what is above the surface is much easier to spot.

My pastor summed up his analogy with a word of advice: Don’t forget to focus on the flash. Step up your appearance. Be more passionate. Give him you’re A game in this area, because your flashy competition definitely will. In order words, don’t give him any reason to scan the horizon for someone else. Shine.

The Huxtable Driven Life requires a passionate marriage. Perhaps for me, the first step is to polish up the goods a bit. This BMW is ready to go to work.

And so it begins...

Writing a blog is like dancing naked across a dark stage knowing that at any minute, the lights might come up and a crowd full of spectators could be focused on your every move.

Today I have the naïve joy and false confidence of putting my thoughts out there knowing that not another soul has any clue of their existence.

I have the absolute freedom to tell the world what I really think about serious controversial issues, or to focus on lighthearted observations about topics that will be irrelevant next week.

I can write as though I assume that everyone in the world agrees with me, because until a comment says otherwise, there is no evidence to the contrary.

I know that this post may one day be read by thousands of people, or eventually die a simple death by deletion, read only by my mother, and my husband (if nothing more interesting catches his eye on ebay or itunes first).

So with that in mind Dear Reader (if you exist), this blog is a private quest with public oversight- a means to an end, if you will. It is my declaration that I love to write, and I have the discipline to do it; and ultimately it is the precursor to my lifelong dream of writing a novel without fear of how the world will receive it.

I’m ready to get undressed (metaphorically speaking…) see you at the theater.